Mother Wounds: Can A Man’s Emotional Wounds End Up Being Sexualised If He Had An Unavailable Mother?
If a man is in a position where he has a strong sex drive and experiences a fair amount of lust, he might not feel the need to look into why this is. After all, he can just see this as a normal part of being a man.
Also, he can see this as a sign that he has high testosterone and is, therefore, virile. Furthermore, he is likely to enjoy fulfilling this need and checking out the women to who he is attracted.
This may mean that he is not interested in being in a relationship and prefers to have sex with numerous women. At any given moment, then, he can have a number of women on the go.
If a woman wants more, he is likely to soon cut his ties with her or at least take a step back. So, his need to share his body with a woman and not much else will be so strong that he is unable to commit to one woman.
Alternatively, he may be in a relationship but find it hard to truly commit to the woman he is with due to his need to have sex with other women. He is likely to be strongly attracted to other women too.
Thus, with all this going on, being in a relationship won’t be easy and is going to cause him to experience a lot of tension. It will be as though he is being deprived of something that he needs.
A Big Difference
When it comes to the first scenario, a man is unlikely to experience a great deal of inner conflict. He will have the need to have sex with different women and be strongly attracted to different women and this won't trouble him.
However, when it comes to the second scenario, a man is going to experience a fair amount of inner conflict. He will have the desires that the man above does but he will also want to be in a relationship, which will create a lot of tension and will most likely lead to difficulties within the relationship.
If a man can relate to the first or the second scenario, he may get to the point where he has had enough of being this way. In addition to wanting to change his life, he can wonder why he is this way.
Irrespective of if a man wants to have a relationship or just be able to stay in one and not be heavily conflicted, it may be due to the same issue. To gain a deeper understanding of what is going on; it will be a good idea for the man to find the time to be with himself and connect to his inner world.
A Closer Look
So, if he was to imagine that he is in a position where he is unable to have sex or see a woman that he is attracted to, he is in the middle of nowhere, he might end up feeling angry and frustrated. If he was to stay with this and to go deeper, he may find that he feels rejected, unwanted, worthless and helpless.
What this will show is that the pain that he is carrying has been covered up by this sex drive and the lust that he experiences towards certain women. He will be able to fulfil his sexual needs by being this way and this will also allow him to feel accepted, wanted, valuable and powerful.
This illustrates that there is more to his behaviour than simply fulfilling his sexual needs. Yet, as his emotional needs will have been outside of his conscious awareness, he won’t have realised this.
To go even deeper, the reason that he is able to feel this way by sharing his body with women is that he is unconsciously seeing certain women as his mother. Through something called transference.
This shows that even though he hasn’t been aware of his emotional pain, it hasn’t just been dormant. As it hasn’t been able to enter his conscious awareness, it will have been rerouted to a part of his body that will allow him to release the tension that it creates – his genitals.
His sexual drive will have been enhanced to keep this pain at bay. Now, when it comes to why he would unconsciously see certain women as his mother and carry a lot of emotional pain, it is likely to be due to what took place during his formative years.
Back In Time
This may have been a time when his mother wasn’t emotionally unavailable and was unable to provide him with what he needed to be able to grow and develop. He would have missed out on the attention, acceptance and affection that he needed.
Naturally, this would have deeply wounded him and set him up to fear emotional closeness and, as he was egocentric, he would have personalised what took place. His only option as he was powerless and totally dependent would have been to repress how he felt and disconnect from himself.
The truth is that what took place wasn’t his fault and he is not worthless or unlovable. For his sex drive to balance out and for him to no longer be consumed with lust, he will need to face his emotional wounds and work through them.
By doing this, he will become a more integrated human being and it will be easier for him to see women as whole human beings as opposed to sexual objects. This is something that will take courage and patience and persistence.
If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.