Mother Wounds: Can A Mother Emasculate Her Son If She Had An Abusive Father?

If a man was to think about how his mother treated him during his formative years, he could be filled with gratitude. The reason for this is that this is likely to have been a time when he was loved and cherished by her.

However, if another man was to think about how his mother treated him during his formative years, he could be filled with frustration and anger. And, the reason for this is that this is likely to have been a time when he wasn’t loved or cherished.

A very different experience

For a man in this position, his childhood would have been very different to how it was for a man who is not in this position. Moreover, the mother that he had will be very different to how mothers are typically portrayed by society.

When it is Mother’s Day, then, when mothers are celebrated for what they give and all that they sacrifice, he won’t be able to relate to this model of what a mother is like. Even so, he could still feel the pressure to treat her as though she was the ideal mother.

A Miserable Existence

Still, while this day can be a time when he will experience conflict, confusion and anger, for instance, it is unlikely to be the only time when he is not in a good way. As a result of what he went through as a child, he could often feel down and low.

Not only this but he could find it hard to feel good about himself and could experience a fair amount of self-doubt. In other words, he is not going to be in his power and this will stop him from being able to live a fulfilling life.

A Big Impact

What this will show is that although he is now an adult, he won’t have truly moved on from what happened. But, as this would have been a time when he was deeply wounded by his mother and perhaps father, this is to be expected.

If his early years were a time when it was only his intellect that was affected, he would simply be able to change his thoughts and beliefs and he would be fine. Yet, what happened will have impacted every part of his being, so his mind, emotional self, and body.

Back In Time

If he was to think about what took place during his early years, what could enter his mind is that this was a time when he was undermined in a variety of different ways. Throughout this time, his mother might have physically harmed him, put him down and been cold and indifferent.

Ergo, instead of providing him with what he needed to develop strong foundations and realise his power, she would have done just about everything that she could to prevent this from happening. Based on how she often treated him, he could believe that she didn’t like him or even want a son.

The Evidence

What could also cross his mind is how his father and other men were also treated badly by her. From this, he could conclude that his mother had something against men.

He would then have been treated badly simply because he was a boy and, thus, if he had been a girl, it would have been different. If he also has a sister and she was treated differently, this will be something that he will know for certain.

A Strange Scenario

After coming to this conclusion, he could wonder why his mother had an issue with men. As to why she was this way, there is a chance that she was mistreated by her own father and perhaps other men.

This would have deeply wounded her and caused her to develop a very negative view of what a man is like – the particular would have become the general. A man would have come to represent someone who was a threat to her very survival.

Two Levels

If it was her father who mistreated her, she would have had to repress how she felt and a number of her development needs. Further, to handle what was going on, she would have created a disconnected false self.

The years would then have passed but the pain that she repressed during this stage of her life wouldn’t have disappeared and the meaning that her underdeveloped brain made in regard to what men are like wouldn’t have changed. So, when her son was born, deep down, she was likely to have seen him as someone who had the potential to grow into a man who would undermine her.

A Natural Outcome

Consequently, she would have unconsciously done what she could to make sure that he would never be a threat to her. So, along with harming him, she may have also done her best to make him more like her daughter than her son.

When he displayed traits that related to his masculine nature, he might have been disapproved of, and, when he displayed traits that related to this feminine nature, he might have been approved of. If his father also undermined him, he might have been out of touch with his power.

In A Bad Way

His mother would then have unconsciously chosen a man who wouldn’t be a threat to her either. A man who was out of touch with his own power would then have played a part in making sure that his son didn’t develop his own power.

Taking all this into account, his mother was not in a good way and this is why she undermined him. If she had been able to face and work through her own wounds, she would have probably treated him differently.

The Truth

This means that there is nothing inherently wrong with him or the fact that he is a man. If he had had a mother who was not deeply wounded, this is likely to be something that he would know.

For him to know this at the core of his being, he is likely to have a lot of pain to face and work through. This will take courage and patience and persistence.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be proved with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk