Mother Wounds: Can A Woman Reject Her Feminine Side If She Had An Abusive Mother?

In the same way that a man won’t just have a masculine element, a woman also won’t just have a feminine element. Just as with a man then, her appearance will be an expression of one element but when it comes to her inner world, she will contain both elements.

Nonetheless, although this will be so, it doesn’t mean that she will embrace both elements. She could be in touch with her feminine aspect but have more or less denied her masculine element or the opposite may have occurred.

The Second

If the latter has taken place, her masculine element will be developed but her feminine element will be underdeveloped. But, if this is just what is normal, this is unlikely to be something that she is consciously aware of.

Consequently, there will be no reason for her to look into why she is this way and develop this other, neglected side of her nature. At one point in time, though, she might end up taking a step back and reflecting on why she is this way.

Lopsided

Anyway, by being this way, she can typically be bold, confident, assertive and courageous. She is also unlikely to be very emotional and could generally be very logical.

Thanks to what she is like, she could be a manager or at the very least have her own business. What can also play a part in this is that she will want to lead her own life as opposed to being led by anyone else.

Another Area

When it comes to the relationships that she has had, she might have been with a number of men who were fairly passive, easy-going and lacked backbone. This will have meant that when she was in a relationship, she was the one who made most of the decisions.

Still, there may have been moments when she got fed up with the man for not standing up for himself or making any decisions. If this is the case, even though this annoyed her at a conscious level it would have been what felt comfortable at a deeper level.

One More

Another area that can be an expression of how masculine she is is her appearance. For example, she could have a very muscular body, or she could carry a lot of weight.

This can show that she has armoured her body with muscle or with fat. In both cases, this will be a way for her to stop herself from feeling vulnerable and exposed.

A Key Point

Yet, it wouldn’t be accurate to say that she will have consciously decided to do one of these things to protect herself as it will have most likely taken place unconsciously. If she felt safe enough to be herself, then, she is likely to be very different and to behave differently.

If something was to happen that made her see that she has rejected part of her nature and that this is what feels safe, she could wonder why she is this way. What can allow her to gain a deeper understanding of why she is this way is if she was to imagine taking her hands off the reins and surrendering.

Looking Back

At first, this might not be something that fazes her, but, after a little while, she could feel anxious and fearful. What could end up entering her mind is that if she is not in control all at times, she will end up being harmed.

Assuming that this is so, embracing the other side of her nature will be seen as something that will make her a target and, thus, will be a threat to her survival. As irrational as this may appear to be, there may have been a time when it was totally rational.

Back In Time

What this may illustrate is that she was brought up in an environment that was anything but nurturing. So, her mother may have been cold, cruel, and abusive and her father may have been passive, distant and abusive.

Her mother would then have been the parent who was in control and would have dominated her father. Both her mother and father wouldn’t have been able to provide her with the love, support and protection that she needed to grow and develop in the right way.

The Message

To handle what was going on, she would have had to disconnect from her feelings and a number of her developmental needs. If she hadn’t been powerless and totally dependent, she would have been able to defend herself or to find a family who could love her.

But, as this wasn’t an option, shutting down and losing touch with her softer side was her only option. Of course, this wouldn’t have stopped her from being harmed but it would have stopped her from being aware of the pain that she was in.

A Different Reality

For her to embrace her feminine nature, she is likely to have a lot of pain to face and work through and unmet developmental needs to experience. By engaging in this process, she will gradually be able to become a more integrated human being.

This will allow her to operate as a whole human being. She can then decide when she lets go and surrenders, with her no longer needing to rely on the power of her will.  

Awareness

If a woman can relate to this and she is ready to change her life, she may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist to healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk