Mother Wounds: Can An Abusive Mother Cause A Man To Feel Comfortable With Being Treated Badly By Women?
If a man was to think about what his interactions have been like with women over the years, he could come into contact with a number of memories that he would rather forget about forever. This doesn’t mean that every moment he has shared with a woman will have been unpleasant.
No, what it means that is that a lot of the moments that he has shared with a woman won’t have been very uplifting. In other words, there will have been more negative experiences than positive experiences.
When it comes to his love life, assuming he is straight, he may have been with a number of women who treated him very badly. They may have been verbally as well as physically abusive.
If he hasn’t been with physically abusive women but has been with verbally abusive women, this would have still have caused him to suffer. Being with a woman like this may very well have sucked the life out of him and left him feeling like an empty vessel.
However, although being with a woman like this would have greatly undermined him, it doesn’t mean that he spoke to anyone about what was going on. This could be because he didn’t have anyone in his life or it could be because he felt too ashamed to open up to anyone.
But, even if he didn’t have anyone around, it doesn’t mean that this was the real reason why he didn’t reach out for support. As with the second reason, he could have felt too ashamed to tell anyone.
What may have played a part here is the conditioning that a man is supposed to be strong at all times and to not to be vulnerable. Therefore, if he had opened up, he may have believed that he would be seen as weak and even ostracised.
Also, men are often seen as the aggressors and women as the victims, which can prevent a man from receiving the support that he needs. Instead of being supported and shown compassion, what he is going through can be dismissed and he can end up being criticised.
If he hasn’t had any relationships, he might still have had trouble at work. Perhaps he has had a least one female manager who has treated him badly and made his job far harder than it needed to be.
Then again, he may have worked for a number of female managers that are like this. But, if he hasn’t, he may have had a number of female colleagues that were.
In addition to what has happened in the past, he may have a job right now where the same scenario is being played out. He may have a female manager or there could be a few female colleagues who are unpleasant, but the outcome will be the same.
At this point in time, he could be at the stage where he is no longer willing to carry on living in this way and wants his life to change. He will then have been knocked down but he will still be in the ring.
A Closer Look
If he has typically tolerated what has taken place and has found it hard to stand his ground, it is likely to show that he has a weak connection to his masculine aspect. This part of him would supply him with the strength and courage that he needs to protect himself.
Further, a big part of him can believe that he deserves to be treated badly, hence why he has put up with this type of behaviour. What this can show is that he doesn’t have a good connection with his feminine aspect, as this part would supply him with the self-worth and self-love that would enable him to treat himself with respect and to feel uncomfortable with being treated badly.
Taking this into account, it could show that he had an abusive mother and that his father was emotionally or physically unavailable. This would have meant that his mother was unable to provide him with the love, nurturance and care that he needed to develop a strong sense of self.
His father, on the other hand, wouldn’t have given him the support and guidance that he needed to be able to develop into a strong and capable man. In their own way, both of his caregivers would have played a part.
An Inner Model
How his mother behaved during this time, along with the other women who were around, would have defined how he would perceive all women. Moreover, how his mother treated him would have had heavily influenced how he expected other women to treat him.
Another part of how these expectations were created is how his mother treated his father and other men. Through being a man and identifying with his father, his value would have partly been influenced by how much value his father appeared to have.
What this illustrates is that not only is it important for a parent to treat their child with love and care, they also need to treat their partner in the same way. If one part is missing, the other part won’t be as effective as it could be.
So, if a man can relate to this, and he is ready to heal his inner wounds, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.