Mother Wounds: Can Early Neglect Cause A Man To Fear Being Seen By A Woman?

If a man fears being seen by a woman, it doesn’t mean that he will realise this. But, even if he is not consciously aware of this, what he fears is still going to have an effect on how he experiences life.

The reason why he is not aware of what is going on is that he could be out of touch with his true self. This will mean that he won’t have a strong connection with his body and thus, a number of his needs and feelings will be a mystery.

Living on the Surface

Instead, he will have a disconnected false self that won’t be rooted in his body. This part of him will allow him to keep his true feelings at bay and to keep it together and function.

He will then be able to be seen by a woman without actually being seen, as his true essence will be covered up. How he really feels and a number of his needs won’t be revealed and this will prevent him from being able to deeply connect with a woman.

One Experience

Being this way may mean that he only has casual encounters with women and doesn’t have the need to be in a relationship. Simply sharing his body and perhaps his mind is going to be enough.

On one hand, this will stop him from being seen and, on the other, as he is out of touch with a number of his needs, he is not going to have the need for more. This might have been going on for many years.

Another Experience

Then again, he might have had casual encounters and been in a number of relationships. If he has been in at least one relationship, this may have been a time when he was also with a woman who was out of touch with her true self.

During this time, it might have looked like a relationship from the outside but it would have lacked depth. This may have been a time when both of them were more concerned with looking good in the eyes of others and receiving approval.

Another Part

Along with this, he may have had moments when he has felt invisible and as though women or the women he is attracted to don’t see him. If so, this may have been a time when he felt deeply frustrated and very low.

To try to change this, he may have put a lot of effort into his appearance. He may have started to exercise, bought new clothes, had a new haircut and brought a flashy car, for instance.

Buyer’s Remorse

If he has gone down this path, though, it doesn’t mean that it has gone as he expected it to go. It might have allowed him to receive more attention at times but part of him may question if it is only because of what he has done and he could resent this.

He is then not going to be in touch with his true essence but he will still have the thought that he is not being liked for who he is. If he is not there already, he could soon find it hard to behave in the same way.

Stepping Back

After a little while, and if he was to reflect on how he experiences life, he could come to see that he has the need to hide himself when he is around a woman. He could find that revealing how he feels and a number of his needs is something that doesn’t feel comfortable.

What could also stand out is that hiding how he feels and a number of his needs is something that just happens. Therefore, although he won’t want to feel invisible at a conscious level, at a deeper level, this is what will feel comfortable.

What’s going on?

At this point, he could struggle to understand why he is experiencing life in this way. What this is likely to show is that his conscious mind has forgotten all about what took place.

This can be put down to two reasons: first, it can be seen as a way for his brain to protect him from pain, and, second, it can show that what took place occurred very early on. Now, if it did take place very early on, it could show that he was deprived of the care that he needed during his formative years.

A Closer Look

Practicality, from the moment he was born, he may have often been left and not provided with the attunement that he needed when he was given attention. When he did express his needs by crying, expressing certain facial expressions and changing his posture, in addition to being left, he may have often received a disapproving look, heard a raised voice and eye contact may have been broken by his mother.

The outcome of this is that he would have felt deeply ashamed of his needs and seen them as a threat to his very survival, and he would have ended up going into a disconnected, shut down, frozen and collapsed state. So, if the interpersonal bridge between him and his mother did form, it would have soon been severed.

A Brutal Time

As he was powerless and totally helpless, there was absolutely nothing that he could do about what was going on. This was why he had to lose touch with himself and develop a false self.

Expressing his needs and feelings back then would have been deeply painful and a big risk, and even though many years will have passed, he will still carry the effect of what took place. Working through this pain and expressing his unmet developmental needs, in order for him to be able to move on, will take courage and patience and persistence.
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Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk