Mother Wounds: Can It Be Hard For A Man To See A Woman Clearly If He Had An Abusive Mother?

It might be hard for a man to maintain a positive view of a woman when he is dating or in a relationship. In the beginning, however, it could be very different.

During this time, he could have a very positive view of the woman he is with; in fact, there is a chance that his view of her will be out of balance. Said another way, he could put her on a pedestal at this stage.

The Next Stage

But, as time passes, he could end up having a very negative view of her and find it hard to see any of the good that he saw in her before. If he was to think about why this is, he could say that it is because of what she is like.

He could say that she is cold, critical, lacks empathy and does what she can to undermine him, for instance. As a result of this, it could be said that it is not going to be much of a surprise that he finds it hard to see her in a different light.

The One After

Before long, he could get to the point where he has had more than enough and ends up drawing the line, so to speak. Once this has taken place, he could have no desire to be with another woman.

Yet, as the days, weeks, and months pass, he could end up being drawn to another woman. Like before, he could be able to see a number of her positive traits, even if he doesn’t put her on a pedestal and then, before long, the same thing could happen all over again.

One Outcome

He will then cut his ties and not have the desire to be with another woman. If he hasn’t already, he could end up talking to one or a number of his male friends about this area of his life.

This could end up being a time when he will end up essentially being told that, ‘this is just what women are like.’ Some of his friends might have been with women like this in the past, whilst others may be with women like this now.

How it is

If he was to accept this, he could end up feeling pretty helpless and helpless, assuming he doesn’t already feel this way. He will just have to put up with what is going on and his need to be with a woman who is different will never be met.

He could end up being told that he needs to learn certain techniques that will allow him to change a woman’s behaviour. By doing this, he will be able to be with a woman who matches up with the type of woman he wants to be with.

Stepping Back

Nonetheless, although it may seem as though he is not playing a part in what is going on and is just a passive observer of this area of his life, what if there is more to it? What if he is not only having a big impact on how a woman behaves but is also playing a big part in the women that he does and doesn’t attract?

Upon hearing this, he could say that this is not possible as he has no effect on how a woman behaves and he wants to meet a woman who is a good match for him. What he will need to think about at this point is that there is what is going on in his conscious mind and what is going on in his unconscious mind.

Going Deeper

Furthermore, while his conscious mind will create the impression that he is merely observing reality, this is a half-truth. The other part of this is that he is also co-creating what he experiences.

With this in mind, if he was to go deep inside himself, what he is likely to find is that he has a number of negative expectations when it comes to what a woman is like. He can see that he expects a woman to be cold, critical, lack empathy and do what she can to undermine him, among other things.

A Mirror

The women he ends up with are then going to be a reflection of how he expects a woman to be but it doesn’t end there. Along with this, how he interprets what they do and, thus, how he behaves, will play a part in encouraging these women to fulfil his expectations.

Therefore, even if he was to end up with a woman who is different, he is still likely to bring out a side of her that matches up with how he expects a woman to be. What this illustrates is that there is the impact that his inner world and his behaviour are having when it comes to his relationships with women.

A Closer Look

If his mind is still open, he might struggle to understand why he has these negative expectations. There is a strong chance that the experiences that he had with his mother during his early years played the biggest part.

This may have been a time when his mother was anything but loving, with her having the tendency to be abusive and neglectful. Thanks to this, he would have been deprived of the nutrients that he needed to grow and develop in the right way and his view of what a woman is like would have been laid down, with the particular becoming the general.

Repetition Compulsion

How he was treated would have greatly wounded him but, deep down, he will still have the need to receive the love that he missed out on all those years ago. This part of him will want to experience what took place all those years ago in the hope that this time it will be different.

This is then why he continually re-creates the experiences that he had all those years ago; of course, the woman won’t be his mother but the experiences that he has and the feelings that he experiences will be very similar. The child inside him won’t realise that a woman is not his mother or that this stage of his life is over.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out of external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk