Mother Wounds: Can Women Take On A Symbolic Meaning If A Man Had A Mother Who Was Emotionally Unavailable?
At this point in time, a man can be in a position where he more or less goes from one woman to another. When it comes to how long he spends with each woman, it can depend on a number of factors.
His time with a woman can then last a number of weeks or months. But, no matter how long it lasts, he will soon find another woman to be with and the woman he was with will be a distant memory.
Based on how he behaves, it could be said that he will have a lot in common with a child who is focused on one toy and then, before long, finds another and forgets all about his old toy. Something shiny and new will have taken his attention.
When he meets a new woman, he could be filled with positivity but as time passes, his inner state could soon change. By leaving the woman he is with and being with another woman, he can believe that he will finally receive what he needs.
Still, this could be something that he is not fully aware of, which means that it will be running just outside of his conscious awareness. If this is what is going on for him, what he desires is always going to be out of reach.
After a while, he could become aware of how he is going from one woman to another and not finding the satisfaction that he desires. Nonetheless, he could believe that once he finds the right woman, it will be different.
Drawing the line
If he was to arrive at the stage where he no longer has the energy or the desire to behave in this way, he could wonder what is going on. What could stand out is that a big part of him believes that there is a perfect woman out there and, once he finds her, he will be happy.
Yet, to another part of him, it could be clear that no matter what woman he meets or what she is like, the same thing takes place. Therefore, he feels good and, as time passes, he feels let down and is searching for another woman; only for the same thing to take place further down the line.
As confusing as this will be, what he can keep in mind is that at least he has been able to take a step back. If he hadn’t done this, he would have continued to do something that wasn’t serving him.
For him to understand what is going on, what he will need to keep in mind is that he has both a conscious and an unconscious mind. Furthermore, the latter is far stronger and more impactful than the former.
Shining the Light
On one level, he will be looking for one thing but at a deeper level, he is likely to be looking for something else entirely. This shows that even though these two parts are separate they still influence each other.
When it comes to his conscious mind, this part of him will want to be with a woman who is right for him. For example, this can be a woman who is attractive, kind, loving, supportive, and understanding.
Beyond this level, though, can be the need to find a woman who is always attentive, who loves unconditionally, is always available and doesn’t want much from him, for instance. What will stand out from this is that he is not looking for a human being; he is looking for a mother figure.
Naturally, as he expects so much, it is not going to matter what woman he meets as she won’t be enough. After becoming aware of this, he could wonder why he is looking for a woman on one level and a mother on another.
As strange as this may seem, if he was to take a closer look at what took place during his formative years, it might soon make sense. This may have been a stage of his life when his mother seldom attuned to his needs and deprived him of the love that he needed to grow and develop in the right way.
As he was powerless and totally dependent, he was unable to change what was going on or to find another mother. Consequently, the pain that he was in and a number of his developmental needs would have ended up being repressed.
The years would then have passed but a big part of him will have continued to look for the mother that he never had so that he could receive the love that he missed out on. With this in mind, when he first met a woman, deep down, he would have seen her as someone who would finally give him what he needed as a boy.
This will have filled him with hope and, thus, allowed him to feel good, but, as time passed and it became clear that this wouldn’t happen, this hope will have disappeared. For him to let go of his need for a mother and to accept what a woman can give him, he is likely to have a lot of pain to face and work through and unmet developmental needs to experience.
If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.