Mother Wounds: Why Would A Man Attract Abusive Women?

Over the years, a man may have been with a number of women who were anything but nurturing. These women may have undermined him in a variety of different ways and made his life a misery.

Once his time with one of these women came to an end, it might have taken him a number of months if not years to get back on his feet. There is even a chance that he has just finished a relationship with a woman like this.

A Tough Time

Assuming that this is the case, he could be in a very bad way both mentally and emotionally.  So, he could feel very low, not have a great deal of energy and might have lost just about all of his motivation.

If his friends and perhaps his family are aware of what he has gone through and is now going through, they could be full of support and encouragement. Then again, he might not have any close friends or be close to his family.

All Alone

If he does have good people around him, it is naturally going to make it easier for him to get back on his feet. He won’t have to handle what he is going through all by himself and he won’t need to isolate himself either.

But, if he doesn’t have a great deal of support around him, he will be carrying a lot of mental and emotional weight and he could spend a lot of time by himself. Both of these elements are going to make it harder for him to move forward.

One Scenario

If he is in the first position and does have people in his life, he could end up wondering why he has been with so many women that are like this. This is something that his friends could also wonder about.

What could enter his mind is that this is just what women are like or that he is simply unlucky. If he believes that this is just what women are like, there is going to be very little that he can do.

Another Scenario

On the other hand, if he believes that he is simply unlucky, he is going to have to wait for his luck to change. He is then not going to be as powerless as he would be if he believed that all women are the same but he is not going to feel as though he has as much control over this area of his life.

Most likely, as this is something that has happened on a number of occasions, he is playing a part in what has taken place. Still, this is not to say that he has consciously chosen to be with women that were abusive.

Confusion

At this point, he could wonder how it is possible that he has ended up with women like this if he hasn’t consciously chosen to be with them. It could then be as though someone or something ‘out there’ is in control of this area of his life.

What he will need to acknowledge is that he doesn’t begin and end with his conscious mind. Along with this part of him, he also has an unconscious mind, and this part of him is far bigger and far more powerful.

Joining the Dots

With this in mind, it is likely to show that this other part of him doesn’t want what this conscious mind wants. If both of these parts wanted the same thing, he is likely to have attracted women who were different.

For him to understand why this other part of him is attracted to women that undermine him, it will be a good idea for him to take a closer look at what took place during his formative years. This may have been a time when he was greatly undermined by his mother.

Back In Time

Throughout this stage of his life, he might have been physically harmed, verbally put down and left. He would have been deeply wounded and a number of his developmental needs would have rarely if ever been met.

As a result of this, he would have missed out on the love that he needed to grow and develop in the right way. However, although this stage of his life is over, deep down, he will still be trying to receive the love that he missed out on.

By Design

The wounded parts of him that are held in his unconscious mind will cause him to be pulled to and pull in women that are similar to his mother. This will be a way for these parts to hopefully receive what he missed out on all those years ago.

Of course, this stage of his life will be over and another woman won’t be his mother, but these parts won’t realise this. Not only do these parts have no sense of time but they are also blind.

Drawing the Line

These parts of him, then, have the need continually create an early depriving experience in order to experience a different outcome. But, just as with how it was for him as a boy, he will be deprived all over again.

For him to change this area of his life, he is likely to have pain to face and work through and unmet developmental needs to experience. This is something that will take courage and patience and persistence.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer. 

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk