What can be normal is for a man to be drawn to women who are not in a good way and want someone to look after them. This can mean that if he is not in a relationship with a woman who is like this, he is likely to have a number of female friends who are.
At the same time, even if he is in a relationship with a woman who is like this, he can still have a number of female friends who are. In so, a lot of his time and energy will be spent being there for women.
He is then not going to wear a cape or a suit but he will act as though his main purpose is to look after certain women. As a result of this, he may receive a fair amount of positive feedback from both women and men.
He could often be told that he is very kind and caring and even seen as someone who is selfless. Thus, it will appear as if he doesn’t receive anything from what he does and just behaves in this way because he is a good guy.
By being this way, certain needs of his are likely to be met, and this can allow him to feel good, valuable and important. Along with this, he may have moments when he feels a sense of superiority.
He might find that it is not difficult for him to take care of his sexual needs, as even if he is not in a relationship, one of the women who he is trying to save might take care of these needs. Apart from these needs, he might not have any other needs that he feels the need to fulfil.
Now, if he was to come into contact with a woman who is in a good position and doesn’t act like a damsel in distress, he might not be interested. Also, if a woman who he is trying to save was to transform herself and no longer needed him, he could soon cut his ties.
What will be clear, then, is that he is only interested in a certain type of woman, irrespective of whether he is aware of this or not. Women who are somewhat or deeply wounded will be the ones who press his buttons, so to speak.
The issue is that no matter how much positive feedback he receives and how much sexual activity he may or may not engage in, he is going to be neglecting himself. He will be giving so much, whilst receiving very little in return.
Thanks to how much he does for one or a number of women, he won’t be able to truly be there for himself. His career could suffer, that’s if he has one, and he could deprive himself of the food, exercise and relaxation that he needs, for instance.
What’s going on?
If he was asked why he behaves in this way, he could say that he cares about women and doesn’t have many needs. However, if he was to step back from the role that he plays and to go deep inside himself, beyond his disconnected false self, he may find that he is carrying a lot of pain.
What this will show, if this is the case, is that being there for certain women allows him to avoid how he feels and keep his inflated false self in place. That might not be all there is to it, though.
Not only can this be a way for him to avoid how he feels, but it can also be a way for him to receive the love that he missed out on during his formative years. His early years will be over, of course, but he can have a number of child parts inside him that are still looking for love.
Without realising it, he will be projecting the mother that he had, and who he made her out to be, into certain women and by being there for them; he will hope that these needs will finally be met. Nonetheless, it won’t be possible for these needs to be met, which is why he will continue to have the need to save certain women.
Back In Time
His early years would have deprived him of what he needed to be able to grow and develop, and they would have set him up to feel ashamed of his needs and his true self. As to why this took place, it could show that his mother was emotionally unavailable and unable to be there for him.
She may have been a deeply wounded woman, who ended up using her son to meet some of her adult and unmet developmental needs. By being there for her, he would have ended up abandoning himself.
A Natural Outcome
Not having most, if not all, of his developmental needs met would have greatly wounded him, and his brain would have automatically repressed how he felt. His true self, so most of his needs and feelings, would have gone into hiding.
What would have been built on top of this was an externally focused false self that was dependent on the feedback and approval of others to feel alive. With this in mind, another thing that will play a part in his need to rescue certain women is that he will be unconsciously projecting the wounded parts of himself into them.
If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.