When it comes to the difference between someone who values who they are and someone who doesn’t, there are number of things that can come to mind. What one could think about is how the former is not going to put up with bad behaviour.
They are going to have the ability to say no when they don’t want to do something, and to walk away when this approach doesn’t work. There will be no reason for them to let other people walk over them.
Through being this way, it is likely to mean that their relationships are life-affirming. It is then going to be possible for them to be themselves without having worrying about whether the people they are close to are going to try to violate them.
A Door Mat
But when someone doesn’t value themselves, they can say that they will put up with bad behaviour. It then won’t matter how other people treat them, as they won’t stand up for themselves.
Their relationships are going to take a lot from them but they are not going to give them much back. These people are not going to accept the fact that they are a separate individual with their own needs and feelings.
In addition to having good boundaries, one could believe that the former is going to be highly motivated. Therefore, one is not going to put up with living a life that is not very fulfilling, and they will do whatever they can to fulfil their goals.
This could mean that they have already achieved a certain level of success, or they may have only just started working towards something. Or, there may be a few areas of their life that are not how they would like them to be.
Going Through the Motions
Therefore, if one believes that this is how someone will behave if they value themselves, they are likely to believe that someone won’t be motivated if they don’t. At the same time, they could say that they might rarely have the desire to do anything.
So if they do have a job that is not very fulfilling, they are not going to have the need to do anything about it. It can be as if they are nothing more than a passenger on the journey of life, as opposed to a participator.
As a result of this, it is clear to see that someone’s life is going to be far better when they value themselves. They will have the drive that they need to fulfil their needs, and there will be no reason for them to settle.
It could then be said that this is something that is black and white, and that someone will need to value themselves in order to be motivated. However, while this might appear to be the case, there is more to it than meets the eye.
What this comes down to is that even if someone is highly motivated, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they value themselves. But as being highly motivated is often seen as a sign that someone does, it can stop one from being able to realise this.
Ultimately, this can be a way for someone to avoid how they feel at a deeper level. Through achieving things, they are going to believe that it will allow them to change what is taking place within them.
There will be the effect achieving something will have on how they feel, and there will be the effect taking action will have on them. As if they were to sit still and not to do anything, they might soon have to face how they feel.
So through always being on the move, so to speak, it will allow them to keep what is taking place within them at bay. And through taking action, it will give them a sense of being in control of their life.
If they were to sit still and to face how they feel, they may end up feeling completely worthless. This is likely to be a time when their whole being will be consumed by toxic shame.
If they don’t anything, they are going feel as though they have no value, but if they do something, they will be able to feel good about themselves. One’s value is not going to be based on who they are; it will be based on what they do.
Thus, it is not that they want to achieve anything per se; it is that they simply want to change how they feel. So no matter what they achieve, it could be said that it is nothing more than a means to an end.
This is going to be the reason why they will want to achieve something else as soon as they have achieved something. If they were to let go and to enjoy what they have achieved, they might soon have to face how they feel at a deeper level.
A New Experience
There could come a time in their life when they are no longer willing to run away from how they feel, and this could cause them to reach out for external support. Through facing what is taking place within them and letting it go, they may no longer be as driven as they were before.
Instead of being a human doing, they will be able to be a human being, perhaps for the first time in their life. And even though they are not doing as much, they may find they are able to achieve far more.
What interested them in the past might no longer interest them, and this could cause them to go down a completely different path. Or, they might continue to do the same thing, but have moments when they relax and just be.
When someone feels worthless, it can mean that they were abused and/or neglected during their early years. When it comes to external support, this can be provided by a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.