It is well known that it is important to grieve after a loved one has passed on, but what is not as well known is that it is also important for someone to grieve their unmet childhood needs. However, in the same way that someone can lose touch with the pain that is within them after another person has passed on, they can also lose touch with their childhood pain.
In both cases, then, the pain will be covered up and they will carry on with their life. If someone has lost touch with the pain that they experienced as a child, they are going to be more likely to keep their adult pain at bay, too.
As a child, losing touch with their pain may have been the only option that they had. Due to not having the external support that they needed, they wouldn’t have been able to develop the ability to handle their own emotions.
As an adult, then, pushing their pain out of their awareness is going to be a natural response. If they were to embrace this pain, they would also have to come into contact with all of the early pain that is stuck in their body.
A Key Point
Having said this, it wouldn’t be accurate to say that every adult on this planet had a traumatic childhood. Still, if someone did and they are out of touch with this pain, this pain can make itself known in other ways.
For example, someone could find that they often feel depressed and have low energy and/or they could find it hard to connect with people at a deeper level. They could also have a weak connection to their body, and of course, find it hard to connect to how they feel.
Waiting To Be Heard
The pain that is deep within their body will be desperate to be acknowledged. Whenever their needs were not met they would have experienced pain, and this pain could even go right back to what happened the moment they were born.
By getting in touch with the child or children with them, as there is likely to be many spilt-off parts within them, they will be able to let each child speak out and to express the emotions that it was unable to express at that moment in time. In addition to crying, they may feel the need to scream and to hit things.
Building a Connection
Getting to this point can be hard, and this is why someone will need to be patient and persistent. One thing that may help them to reconnect to the children within them is music.
Music may awaken this part of their being and allow them to work through the pain that is within them; whereas without it, this might not happen. In a way, it will be as though the music is providing their seized up emotional body with the oil it needs to come back to life.
If someone is carrying a lot of emotional pain, it may be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. Through working with a therapist or a healer who can hold the space, it will allow them to go where they wouldn’t go by themselves.
Once they start to work through the layers of pain that are within them and their presence grows, they will be able to hold the space for themselves. External support is then being provided until they are emotionally strong enough to support themselves.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.