While having needs is part of being human, there is a big difference between having needs and being ‘needy’. When it comes to ones needs, one is going to be aware of what they are and then go about getting them met. And at times they will be met and at times they won’t be.
So in this case, they are a part of one’s life and yet they don’t consume their life. It is not the end of the world if they are not met; as one will know that is won’t be long until they are. Therefore, they will be coming place a place of trust and not fear.
However, when one is needy, their attention is going to be completely consumed by their needs. And when one doesn’t have their needs fulfilled, it could end up being incredibly painful.
This is because they are not used to getting their needs met and each time their needs are not fulfilled, it adds to their existing neediness. One unfulfilled need then piles on top of the other and the more this happens, the needier they become.
They are not going to be able to let go very easily, if at all. This is going to mean that one is coming from a place of attachment and fear. And when their needs are not met, it is going to reinforce their belief that it is not possible for have their needs met on a regular basis.
One is then going to be caught up in a cycle and the more needy they become, the harder it is going to be to get their needs met. It could get to the point where ones needs are never met.
And as the saying goes – ‘the hungry never get fed’. So even though one is going to have a greater need to have their needs met than someone who is already having their needs met, it won’t matter.
The people who are not attached to having their needs met are generally going to be the ones that end up having them met. One could look at the people who are getting their needs met and feel that life is not fair or another interpretation could be made.
However, it has nothing to do with who one is, it is simply a reflection of where they are coming from. The world is mirroring back how one feels and it is not responding to what they want or need.
When one is needy, it is going to mean they feel a certain way. And their life experiences will then match up with these feelings. And while this is taking place, one can say they want to have their needs and wants met, but these are just words.
In order for ones experiences to match up with what is going on inside their head, their feelings are going to need to match up. The feelings are the fuel, words are just there to direct their fuel.
Out Of Touch
If one is aware of how their feelings are being mirrored back to them they are going to realise that they need to change how they feel. But if one is not aware of what is taking place within them, they are going to suffer.
It could cause one to believe that their needs are a burden and that other people are put off by them. Here, one could end up feeling powerless, hopeless and that they have no control.
So when one is needy, it is going to have an big impact on their relationships. Other people could find them to be: clingy, overwhelming, intense and draining. But as one is so needy, they could be completely oblivious to their behaviour.
And instead of being able to see their behaviour in the eyes of another, they could end up feeling rejected and abandoned. If one was exposed to someone who acted in the same way, it might mean that their needs would be fulfilled, but it wouldn’t be long until they were repelled by their behaviour.
From A Distance
One doesn’t even need to be in another person’s presence to have an effect, as people are still going to respond to how they are feeling. Consciously other people might not why they are repelled, but at a deeper level they are going to pick up on how one feels.
Even though the mind views everything from a place separation, the body is connected to all that is. Separation is therefore an illusion and one is constantly communicating with everything and everyone. This means that the universe is simply responding to how one feels.
So in order for one to get their needs met, they need to change how they feel. As they become less needy, it is going to be a lot easier for them to get their needs met. The question is: why would someone be so needy in the first place?
One reason is because they have unmet needs from their childhood that need to be grieved. The pain of not getting their needs met all those years ago has remained in their body and this then causes them to feel like a needy child.
Another reason could be because they don’t feel safe letting other people get too close to them. So although they have needs, through needing to keep people at a distance, their needs build up and become out of balance.
If one finds that they can relate to one or both of these, then it will be important for them to release the trapped emotions from their body. This can be done with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
Another option is to have some kind of body work; through being touched, one will be able to settle down and feel less needy. This touch might also allow one to feel more comfortable with intimacy.
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Oliver J R Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.