Needs: Can Developmental Trauma Cause Someone To Repress Their Needs?

If someone was to take a step back and reflect on their life, what they may find is that they have the tendency to ignore their own needs. In fact, they could find that, in general, they are not even aware of their needs.

Apart from their basic needs, then, such as their need to eat and drink, sleep, have adequate clothing and perhaps to exercise, most of their needs will be overlooked. Naturally, by living in this way, they are going to deprive themselves of a lot of the things that they need.

Super-Independent

As opposed to acting as though they are an interdependent human being, they can see that they often act as though they don’t need others. When it comes to the needs that they fulfil, it will largely relate to needs that don’t require others.

Or to be more accurate, what will require others but at least not directly. So, the needs that do require direct connect with others such as physical affection, being seen as heard, and having sex, can be typically overlooked.

A Bleak Existence

As they are an interdependent human being and thus need others, it is to be expected that they will suffer by living in this way. They can find that they often feel frustrated and deeply depressed.

This can be seen as a natural consequence of them not meeting a number of their needs. Of course, in order for them to meet them, they will first need to be aware of what their needs are; without this, it won’t be possible for them to take the next step.

Their Experience

Regardless of whether they are by themselves or around others, they could find that they automatically lose touch with their needs. It is then not that they choose to be this way, it just happens.

By being out of touch with a number of their needs, they won’t have the need to meet them. After a while, though, they are likely to come into contact with a lot of frustration and to perhaps feel angry, with this feedback being there to let them know what they are neglecting themselves.

A Strange Scenario

At this point, they could wonder why they simply lose touch with certain needs and find it so hard to stay connected to them. It could seem as if they have no control over themselves and are being controlled by something or someone else.

If they were to look back on their life, they may find that they have been this way for as long as they can remember. Thanks to this, they may come to the conclusion that they were just born this way.

A Closer Look

What this is likely to show is that part of their own being is causing them to lose touch with certain needs. This is likely to take place just outside of their awareness, which is why they haven’t been aware of what is been going on.

Certain needs will be repressed by this part of them, leaving them estranged from what they need to take care of to no longer deprive them. What this will also mean is that they are not being controlled by something or someone else; they are being controlled by themselves.

Confusion

Upon hearing this, they could struggle to understand why part of themselves would hide their own needs as this won’t be serving them. To live a fulfilling life and to no longer run on empty, they will need to have a strong connection to their needs and to fulfil them.

To find out why this part of them would exist, it will be necessary to take a closer look at what took place during their early years. This is likely to have been a time when it wasn’t safe for them to have needs.

Way Back

From the moment they were born and for a number of years after, they may have often been left and when they were given attention, it may have largely been misattuned care. Their needs would have ended up being associated as a threat to their very survival.

To handle not getting their needs met, they would have automatically repressed their pain and disconnected from themselves. Keeping their needs hidden would have been seen as the only way for them to survive.

The Past Is Present

Now, many, many years will have passed, but expressing their needs will still be seen as something that will cause them to die. Due to what they experienced very early on, they will carry a lot of emotional pain.

This pain will need to be worked through for them to be able to connect to and express their needs. As they do this, the part of them that is using a lot of energy to repress this part of them will gradually fall away and they will be a more integrated and harmonious human being.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk