Although each person on this planet is an individual who has their own needs, it doesn’t mean that this is something that everyone embodies. Thus, there are going to be people who act like an individual, while there will be others who won’t.
If someone does, they are going to be aware of their needs and they are going to do what they can to fulfil them. One is then not just going to look like an individual; they will act like one.
Through paying attention to their own needs and doing what they can to meet them, it will enable them to truly be there for others. They are then not going to be selfish, overlooking other people’s needs.
By being there for themselves in this way, they will have the energy that they need to extend themselves to others. If, on the other hand, this didn’t take place, it wouldn’t be possible for them to truly be there for others.
An Important Point
What this comes down to is that if they were to neglect their own needs but still did what they could to be there for others, they would haven’t as much energy. So regardless of whether it relates to their personal relationships or to their career, for instance, they would rarely be running on full power.
And, if they are not running on full power, they are not going to be able to function at their best. Ultimately, one would be neglecting themselves and this is not going to serve them in anyway.
As they are comfortable with their own needs and expressing them, they will be revealing their true-self. Ego, when it comes to their close relationships, one is not going to hide who they are.
Being able to express who they are will allow them to feel free and their relationships are likely to be nourishing, too. But, even though this may be the norm, their life would be very different if their inner world was different.
There are likely to be at least two reasons as to why they are able to experience life in this way, with the first being that they value themselves and second being that it feels safe. By valuing themselves they will realise that their needs are important and, by feeling safe in their own body, they will feel comfortable enough to reveal and to go about meeting their needs.
Perhaps this is how their life has been for as long as they can remember; if so, there will be no reason for them to be aware of why they are able to behave in this way. This is then similar to how there can be no reason for someone to understand how a car engine works, if they have never had car problems.
If someone is unable to act like an individual and comes across as though they are merely an extension of others, it is going to be normal for them to ignore their own needs. At times, they may realise that this is taking place, while at others, they might not.
What this will illustrate is that ignoring their own needs can be something that just happens, taking away the need for them to even think about it. Their needs are typically going to be overlooked, with them being more concerned with meeting other people’s needs.
Still, other people could often describe them as someone who is selfless and easy going, for instance. One will them be neglecting themselves, yet here will be plenty of people who will believe that they are doing the right thing.
In a way, one will be like an object that allows themselves to be taken advantage of by others. Their true-self is rarely, if ever, going to see the light of day, meaning that it will probably be more or less impossible for them to experience true fulfilment.
Nevertheless, thanks to how they come across, other people might believe that they are truly happy. This could be something that one also believes; if they do, it can show that they are completely out of touch with their true essence.
On one level, they will be fine, but on another level, they will be anything but fine. However, if they were to get in touch with their own needs, they might end up experiencing a lot of discomfort.
A Closer Look
Tuning into their needs and then expressing them is not going to be something that feels comfortable. If it did, there would be no need for them to hide their needs from themselves, let alone others.
To make sure that they don’t experience too much inner discomfort, it will be vital for them to keep their true needs at bay. Deep within their being, they could believe that they would be abandoned if they revealed their needs.
Not a Problem
One way of looking at this would be to say that they are an adult now, so even if they were abandoned, it wouldn’t matter. With this in mind, the thoughts and feelings that arise when they reveal their needs are going to be irrational.
The pain that comes up is just going to be in their mind and they will need to learn how to manage their thoughts. It could be this black and white, or there could be far more to it.
A Deeper Look
The reason why they don’t feel safe enough to reveal their needs could be due to the fact that they are carrying trauma. Maybe, they experienced a fair amount of neglect during their early years.
If they were left throughout this stage of their life, they would have felt as though their life was going to come to an end on a regular basis. The only thing that they would have been able to do to handle this pain would have been to disconnect from it.
Hell on Earth
At this stage of their life, they desperately needed their caregivers to be there for them. For whatever reason, their caregivers didn’t provide consistent care; the type of care that they needed to develop in the right way.
Disconnecting from their body would have made allowed them to survive this traumatic time in their life and it would have estranged them from the very thing that might cause their caregivers to leave them - their needs. The years will have passed but the pain that they experienced as a baby and/or child will still be within them.
If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.