Part of being human means that one has needs and this is not something that can be changed. It is possible for one to deny that they have needs, but this won’t cause their needs to simply disappear.
Ideally, one will be in touch with their needs and it will then be possible for their needs to be met. This doesn’t mean that they will always be met, but it does mean that one will be used to having them met.
And when one is connected to what they need, their life is going to be a lot more fulfilling. They’re going to feel as though they are on course or on track and that they’re connected to themselves.
This is going to relate to every area of their life and when they’re in touch with their needs, there is going to be less chance of them doing things that don’t interest them. When one is in touch with their needs, it doesn’t mean that they will only focus on themselves, just as it doesn’t mean one will be completely focused on other people.
And as one is able to have their needs met, it is going to give them the energy to be there for other people. Whereas, if one is not getting their needs met, they’re unlikely to have enough energy to help other people.
If they do help others, it is probably going to lead to exhaustion and resentment. And this is not because they don’t want to assist others; it is because they’re not getting their needs met and are therefore running on empty. This shows how important it is for one to get their needs met.
It is only possible for one to get their needs met when they are in touch with them. Through having this connection, one will be able to go about having them met. Their actions are then going to reflect the connection one has to their needs and this is going to mean that one is not caught up in other people’s needs.
So for some people, this is going to be a way of life and something they have always experienced. And when they come across other people who are out of touch with what they need, it could be hard for them to comprehend.
This is because people often say that they want to be happy and this is not going to happen unless one is aware of their needs. Happiness could be described as something that one experiences when they are in touch with their needs on one hand and when they allow themselves to fulfil these needs on the other.
But while some people will have this connection, there are going to be other people who haven’t got it. This could be how their life has always been and something that is a normal part of their life.
The Needs Of Others
Their life is then driven by their need to fulfil other people’s needs and not their own needs. And one might be aware of this or it could be something that goes on out of their awareness. It then won’t matter what their needs are, as the only thing that will matter is what other people’s needs are.
To focus on the needs of others is only natural if one is out of touch with their own needs. This is where their point of focus is going to be and it is also going to be what feels comfortable.
And the reason it feels comfortable is because it is what causes one to feel accepted and approved of by others. So although one is out of touch with themselves and is suffering as a result, other people are responding to them in a certain way.
If they were to put their needs first, it is likely to cause them to feel uncomfortable. But as one is out of their needs in the first place, this is not likely to happen very often, if at all.
When one is in this position they are not working with themselves, they’re working against themselves. One is then giving up their ability to be happy in order to please other people. However, this is not something that has just happened; there is a reason for it.
On one level, one is out of touch with their needs and on another level; pleasing other people is more important than pleasing themselves. This shows that one is experiencing inner conflict and while this conflict could have been created during ones adult years, it is often the result of what took place during their childhood years.
During these years, one is likely to have been brought up to fulfil the needs of their caregiver/s. Their needs would have been overlooked and denied, and one would have learnt that they could only survive by focusing on their caregiver/s needs.
And as their needs were not recognised by the people around them, one gradually lost touch with their own needs. One would have come to believe that it is not safe for them to have needs and that other people’s needs are more important.
How one lived during these early years can then go on to define how one lives as an adult. For one thing, they are out of touch with what they need and they only feel safe when they‘re pleasing other people. As an adult, one will need to realise that it is safe for them to have needs and that their needs are important.
Even though one is no longer a child, how they felt all those years ago may have stay trapped in their body. So these emotional experiences will need to be processed and this will play a part in one being able to connect to their needs and to let go of the need to please others. This may mean that one needs the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver J R Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.