While it would be easy to say that some people have needs and others are needless, everyone has needs. However, although some people are open about their needs, there are others who try to cover them up.
This is one of the reasons why it can appear as though not everyone has needs. As for the people who are incredibly needy, this can be a sign that they are carrying a lot of unmet childhood needs.
If someone is open about their needs, it is likely to show that they feel comfortable with them. They are then not going to believe that there is anything wrong with their needs and they are going to feel safe enough to reveal them.
This doesn’t mean that they won’t meet any of their own needs; what it means is that they won’t buy into the illusion that they are an independent human being. There will be the needs that they can meet by themselves and the needs that they can’t.
One can then give themselves the approval and acceptance that they need and take the action that they need to take to move forward in their career, amongst other things. What they are not going to be able to do is to meet their need for companionship by themselves, for instance.
So, thanks to the connection that they have with their own needs, they will be able to reach out for others when they need to. And as they don’t feel as though there is anything wrong with them, there will be no reason for them to feel bad if another person is unable to be there for them.
Part of Life
They are likely to realise that it is not always going to be possible for another person in particular to be there for them or for people in general to always be there. Even so, this won’t stop them from reaching out. Still, this is no different to how they are not always going to be able to be there for another person in particular or people in general.
After all, other people are not their parents and one is not anyone else’s parent either. Being this way will stop them from putting a lot of pressure onto others and there will be less pressure on them from the people in their life who realise it.
Ultimately, being connected to their needs, valuing them, and feeling safe enough to fulfil them will be what allows them to express who they are. This is what will enable them to lead a live that is fulfilling as opposed to simply going through the motions.
The purpose of their life won’t be to please others; it will be to do what they can to make sure their life is in alignment with who they actually are. And as they are an individual, it will mean that they will have their own purpose, along with their purpose being part of an even greater purpose.
When it comes to someone who typically keeps their needs to themselves, it is likely to show that they don’t feel comfortable with them. They are likely to believe that there is something wrong with them and not feel safe enough to reveal them.
Naturally, this won’t mean that all of their needs will go unmet as there are going to be a number of needs that they can meet themselves. And although this may also mean that they won’t have many friends, let alone be in an intimate relationship, this might not be the case.
If they don’t spend much time around others apart from when they are at work, that’s if they have a job, they may do what they can to push their own needs out of their awareness. Becoming aware of their needs could be too painful, which is why they may have a number of ways to push them down and to distract themselves.
Yet, if they do have friends and are even in an intimate relationship, they may still be out of touch with their needs when they are around these people. During this time, they could act as though they are an extension of others; creating the impression that they don’t have needs and are only too happy to do what these people want.
A Bleak Existence
Neglecting themselves in this way is unlikely to lead to a very fulfilling existence. The reality is that they are not here to act as though they are an extension of others; they are here to embrace their true essence and to act like an individual.
Nonetheless, unless they are able to embrace their own needs and to express them, their life is unlikely to change. Instead, they will continue to live a life that doesn’t reflect who they are.
A Deeper Look
The reason why one doesn’t have a good relationship with their own needs can be due to what took place at the beginning of their life. Shortly after they were born or a number of years later, they may have been told in one way or another that their needs were bad.
Through receiving this message on a daily basis, they would have gradually disconnected from their needs. Furthermore, this would have caused them to lose touch with their feelings too as their feelings are an expression of their needs.
Out of Touch
Not only would they have lost touch with their needs and feelings, they would have also lost touch with their body. This is the part of their being where their needs and feelings will be found.
Getting back in touch with this part of them is unlikely to be something that will take place overnight, due to the pain that is likely to be held in their body. This pain will need to be worked through.
If someone can see that they don’t have a good connection with their needs, and they want this to change, they will probably need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
There is nothing wrong with their needs and it is safe for them to express them, but in order for them to realise this, they will need to heal their inner wounds. This will take patience and persistence.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.