When someone has the tendency to please others, it is likely to be a sign that they don’t feel comfortable with their own needs. It is then not going to matter that they are a separate human being, as their life won’t be a reflection of who they are.
Point of Focus
Their day-to-day life is typically going to revolve around fulfilling other people’s needs, and this can be what feels comfortable. Even so, this doesn’t mean that they won’t get annoyed with what is taking place.
But no matter how they feel about what their life, it is not going to be enough for them to change what is taking place. This could be seen as something that they have to put up with; with one having very little, if any, control over their life.
A Different View
If someone else was to hear about what they are going through, they could wonder why they don’t just stand up for themselves. In their eyes, one is going to have the ability to do something about their life.
What this is likely to come down to is that they feel comfortable with their own needs, and there is then no reason for them to focus on the needs of others. This is not to say that they will be self-centred; what it means it that they will be in balance.
And through being able to fulfil their needs, it will be far easier for them to be there for others. This comes down to the fact that they won’t be used to running on empty, and this will allow them to be there for others without compromising themselves.
When one doesn’t feel comfortable with their needs, they won’t take the time to fulfil their own needs. One is then treating others in the way that they should be treating themselves.
On The Sidelines
And not only can someone believe that one has the ability to stand up for themselves, they could also think about how they are the only ones who can. If they don’t take their life by the horns, so to speak, it will continue to pass them by.
As far as they are concerned, one’s life could be too important for them to play a supporting role in their own story. Thus, the sooner they change their focus, the sooner they will be able to live a fulfilling existence.
When someone is able to fulfil their own needs, it can be due to what their childhood years were like. In most cases, their developmental needs would probably have been met.
This would have allowed them to form a connection with their needs, and to believe that they are important. One way of looking at it would be to say that how one views there needs is simply a reflection of how their caregivers viewed them.
A Big Effect
Through being given what they needed during this stage of their life, it would have given them a good start. There would be no reason for them to ignore their needs as an adult, and the life they lead can then be an expression of their true-self.
When one doesn’t experience life in this way, they could come to the conclusion that they are inherently different. Yet, if they haven’t taken the time to reflect on their own childhood, this is to be expected.
A New Outlook
In order for them to see life differently, they will need to take the time to learn about why they might be experiencing life in this way. Through changing what is taking place in their mind, it will give them the opportunity to grow.
They might come to see that what took place during their early years has played a big part in what is going on for them. Once they have reflected on what took place when they were younger, how they behave as an adult could make complete sense.
The Next Step
One could start by questioning what they believe about their own needs, and they might end up getting in touch with a lot of pain. It might also be necessary for them to work with a therapist.
As they begin to pay attention to their own needs and to fulfil them, they may find that their relationships start to change. This is because one is no longer going to be willing to behave in the same way, and some of their friends might want them to behave how they used to.
If this was to occur, it will be in their best interest to stand their ground and not to return to how they were before. At first, it might be hard for them to do this, but the more they do it the easier it will be.
In addition to the effect this will have the average person; there will also be how it affects someone who is sensitive. The reason for this is that when one is sensitive, it can have a bigger effect on them when they neglect their own needs.
Highly Sensitive Person
For one thing, they won’t be able to handle a lot of stimulation, and this means that they will need to listen to their needs and feelings. If they don’t, they will have the inclination do things that they don’t want to do, and they will end up being burnt out.
When one’s life is based around pleasing others, they are going to be working against their own nature. Being sensitive is then going to be something that causes them to suffer, as opposed to something that simply causes them to function in a different way to most people.
It is going to be vital for them to feel comfortable with their own needs, and through being this way; it will be a lot easier for them to thrive. Being sensitive doesn’t mean that one was neglected and/or abused as a child, but if they don’t feel comfortable with their needs, it could be a sign that this was a time when they didn’t receive the kind of care that they needed.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.