Having needs is part of being human and this means that they can’t be overlooked or denied without certain consequences arising. This doesn’t mean that one will always have their needs met; this is not going to be possible.
But if one’s life has taken on a pattern where their needs are rarely, if ever met, they are going to suffer. To expect to have them met all the time is also going to set one up to suffer.
In order for one to have their needs met, they will need to be aware of what they are. And once they are aware of them, they will need to feel safe getting them met.
Because while one can know what their needs are, if they don’t feel safe having them, they are unlikely to do what it takes to fulfil them. As having needs is part of being human, it might sound strange that someone wouldn’t feel safe having them.
Even though someone may look like an adult, it doesn’t mean they feel like one. There is the chance that they will feel much younger; with their emotional age being way behind their physical age.
An adult would be seen as being capable of getting their needs met, they are not dependent on pleasing anyone in particular in order to survive. But if one feels like a child, there is the chance that they will need to gain other peoples approval.
Without it, one might not feel safe getting their needs met. Of course, as a child ones needs should have been accepted and yet there is also the chance that their needs were rejected. One could have then come to see that it wasn’t safe to have needs and that other people’s needs were more important.
Many years will have passed and one may have even forgotten about what took place, but it doesn’t mean that anything has truly changed. They could still be in a position where they continue to neglect their needs and to focus on what other people need.
Give And Take
Now, life is about giving and taking and so taking care of other people needs is part of life. However, if one only takes care of other people’s needs and ignores their own, it is unhealthy. Focusing primarily on other peoples needs will mean that one is out of balance.
The less one focuses on their own needs, the less energy they are going to have to be there for others. And while one might want to be there for others, if they are not there for themselves, it is never going to be too rewarding.
When one takes care of their own needs, there is a strong chance that they will feel energised. But if this doesn’t take place, it is going to be a challenge to feel energised and empowered. One could end up feeling: angry, frustrated and hopeless.
So through putting other peoples needs first, one is not going to be as happy or impactful as they could be. One might not be completely aware of this or they could be, but it doesn’t mean that anything will change.
On the surface one is suffering and their own life is being neglected, and yet, this is what feels safe. If they were to put their needs first and to put other people’s needs after that, it could cause all kinds of uncomfortable emotions, thoughts and images to arise.
These could be the result of what took place during ones adult years, but they are likely to be the case of how one was brought up. What took place during these years doesn’t set one up to thrive; it sets them up to suffer.
This could be due to one having caregivers who were self absorbed and out of touch with ones needs. One then had no choice but to place their attention on what their caregiver’s needs and wants were.
It wasn’t something they choose to do; it was something they had to do in order to survive. And their mind could have come to form disempowering associations around their needs. One might see their needs as bad, feel guilty for having them, and believe that they don’t deserve to have them met for example.
So when one thinks about having their needs met or tries to get them met, it could cause certain associations to be appear. And all the time these are there, it is going to be a challenge for one to feel comfortable with their needs.
These can be a combination of: beliefs, trapped emotions and images. This means that one will need to change their beliefs and release the trapped emotions in their body.
This can be done with the assistance of a therapist, healer or a coach. And as this takes place, one will gradually begin to feel comfortable with their needs. It is important that one realises their needs are not something they need to deny or feel ashamed of.
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.