Needs: Why Do Some People Believe That They Will Be Rejected If They Reveal Their Needs?

Having needs is part of the human experience but that doesn’t mean that everyone on this planet feels comfortable with their needs. If someone does, their life is likely to be far more fulfilling than it would be otherwise.

Through being this way, it will be possible for all of them to show up. The reason for this is that their needs are a big part of who they are, so they would be hiding themselves if they didn’t reveal their needs.

Different Kinds

There will be their mental, emotional, physical and even spiritual/religious needs, and fulfilling these needs will be important. Now, this is not to say that they will always be able to fulfil every need that they have or that this is necessary.

There will be times when they are not able to fulfil a need, and this could be seen as being part of life. Through having moments like this, it will probably make it easier for them to appreciate the moments when they are able to fulfil a need.

Two Experiences

Some of their needs will have to be met by others, while some of their needs will have to be met by themselves. When it comes to their need to be held or heard, for instance, they will need another person.

If they want to achieve or to learn something, it might be up to them to fulfil this need. What these examples illustrate is that although one is an interdependent human being, they can also act independently.

At The Root

Deep down, one is not going to believe that there is anything wrong with their needs, hence why they don’t hide them. Being connected to their needs, feeling comfortable with their them and being able to express them is that will allow them to act as an individual.

Another way of looking at this would be to say that one will be in touch with and express their true-self. This will mean that they will have a good connection to their body, with this part of them being where their essence is located.

The Norm

If they were to look back on their life, they may find that this is how they have been for as long as they can remember. There may then have been moments where their needs haven’t been met, but this will be the exception as opposed to the rule.

At the same time, this might not be the case, with them only have lived in this way for a short while. As their life is so different to how it was, it might be difficult for them to truly connect to how it was.

A Different Scenario

When it comes to someone who doesn’t feel comfortable with their needs, there is the chance that they are not even aware of the fact that this is the case. What this comes down to is how they experience life could just be what is normal.

In general, they could be someone who is typically always there for others, being only too happy to fulfil their needs. They might spend a lot of time creating the impression that they are needless.

A Frustrating Existence

But, even if this does take place, they could also spend a fair amount of time feeling frustrated and angry. They could tell themselves that they do so much for others, but other people rarely do anything for them.

That may be as far as it will go, as they might not directly let other people know that they are unhappy. They could indirectly let them know by acting in a passive-aggressive manner from time to time, yet they could generally make out that everything is fine.

Running On Empty

Due to the fact that they rarely get their needs met, it is to be expected that they will experience a lot of pain. They are not going to be receiving what they need and this is going to cause them to suffer.

For this to change, and for them to reveal who they are as opposed to wearing a mask, they will need to feel comfortable with their needs. The reason that they experience life in this way is probably because it is associated as what is safe.

A Powerful Belief

Deep within them, they can believe that they would end up being rejected if they were to reveal their needs. This would cause them to be ostracised, which would cause their life to an end.

One way of looking at this would be to say that this is an ‘irrational’ belief and that this is not going to happen. Even so, if they were to reveal their needs, the emotional experience that they have could make this belief seem completely real.

Back In Time

There is the chance that their needs were rarely, if ever, met during their early years, with this being a time when they were regularly rejected for expressing a need. Through being treated in this way, they would have ended up disconnecting from their needs.

Having needs would have been seen as a threat to their very survival and the pain of not getting them met would have been overwhelming. Losing touch with them all together would have been the safest option.

A Traumatic Time

In addition to believing that it wasn’t safe for them to have needs, they would have also come to believe that there was something inherently wrong with their needs. Hiding their needs, along with their true-self, would have been seen as the only way for them to be accepted by others.

Being there for others and coming across as needless as an adult will be a consequence of the false-self that they had to develop as a child to survive. Instead of being parented at this stage of their life, they would have had to parent their caregiver/s

Awareness

If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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There will be the beliefs that they need to change and the trauma that they need to work through. Their body is likely to be carrying a lot of emotional pain and simply changing their thoughts is unlikely to deal with this pain. 

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk