If one was to prepare their favourite meal, there is a strong chance that they will end up enjoying the meal once it was ready. What is unlikely to happen is that they will end up feeling as though they are doing something wrong during this time.
Another way of looking at this would be to say that one will be putting their needs first and they will feel good about it. Along with this, they could also find that they are able to fulfil the other needs that they have without feeling guilty.
The Right Way
It could be said that this is the right way to experience life, as it will give one the chance to live a fulfilling life. This is not to say that their needs will always be met, but what it does mean is that they will be used to having them met.
As a result of this, they are unlikely to feel as though they are living someone else’s life, or that they are doing what other people want them to do. So when they are there for others, it is likely to be because they want to be there for them.
Therefore, if they were to feel guilty whilst they were eating a meal, it could be a sign that they are late for an appointment. They feel as though they are doing something wrong, but it is for another reason altogether.
However, even though one can prepare their favourite meal and then eat it without feeling guilty, it doesn’t mean that they will comfortable putting the rest of their needs first. They could find that this is one of the few times in their life where they are able to relax.
When they put other people’s needs first, they could feel as though they are doing the right thing. During this time, they can end up feeling comfortable, but that doesn’t mean that they won’t experience inner resistance at the same time.
They could be in a position where they are all too aware of this resistance, or it could be something that they are generally able to overlook. There could be times when this resistance appears and times when it disappears, for instance.
This could then mean that it is going to be normal for one to neglect themselves and to focus on other people’s needs. They might not even be aware of what their needs are most of the time, but even if they are, it is not going to make much of a difference.
Yet this doesn’t mean that they will let other people know about how they feel, as they could come across as though everything is fine. In fact, they could be known as someone who is generally happy and always willing to help others.
But even though this is how they come across around others, it doesn’t mean that this is what they will be like behind the scenes, so to speak. When they are by themselves, they could end up feeling depressed.
Based on how they experience life, it is going to be normal for them to feel this way, and this is because they can feel as though they have no control over their life. They may even go through moments where they feel like a victim.
What this is likely to show is that they are generally disconnected from their anger, and this is then going to stop them from speaking up. If they were to speak up or to go about fulfilling their own needs, they would end up feeling as though they are doing something wrong.
And all the time they feel this way, their life is not going to be a reflection of their own needs; it will be a reflection of their need to please others. But while some people will notice what is taking place, there are going to be others who believe that they are doing the ‘right’ thing.
However, even though some people will end up completely sabotaging their life, there are going to be others who will carry on regardless. This is not to say that they won’t have moments where they will sabotage their life, but this won’t be what always takes place
At the same time, it is likely to be a challenge for them to enjoy their life, as they can still feel as though they are doing something wrong. They could achieve something and no matter how hard they have worked to achieve it, they could feel as though something is missing.
All the time they are experiencing this inner conflict, it is not going to be possible for them to live a fulfilling life. It could then be normal for them to have moments where they think that they are on the wrong track in life.
Their well-being is going to be effected and unless they are able to let go of the guilt that they are experiencing, they are going to continue to suffer unnecessarily. There is the chance that they are experiencing life in this way due to what took place during their childhood years.
During this time, one may have had a caregiver who used them to take care of their own needs. So while there were a child who needed someone to take care of their own needs, they had to ignore their own needs and to act like a parent.
This would have set them up to feel ashamed of their own needs and to feel guilty for having them. Through experiencing this, it is going to be normal for them to believe that other people’s needs are more important than their own.
In order for one to feel comfortable with their own needs, it will be important for them to question what they believe and they may need to look at what is taking place at an emotional level. They may find that they have unmet childhood needs that need to be grieved, and they may also find that they are sabotaging their life out of their loyal to their caregiver/s.
This is a process that can take place with the assistance of a therapist and/or a support group, and if one has the need to be loyal, they may need to have a family constellation.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.