Needs: Why Do Some People Feel Selfish For Putting Their Needs First?

While there are some people who feel comfortable putting their needs first, there are others who don’t. Even so, this doesn’t mean someone will be aware of this even though this is the case.
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Instead, they could simply have the tendency to focus on other people’s needs, and this is naturally going to cause them to suffer. This doesn’t mean that their life will be any better if they are aware of what is going on, but at least they will know why they are experiencing life in this way.

Point of Focus

When it comes to their day-to-day life, they are likely to spend a lot of time doing what other people want. There is the chance that they will have a career where they help others, and this is not going to be much of a surprise.

They could find that they just know what these people’s needs are, and they could be amazed at how tuned in one is. There could then be times when one is more aware of these people’s needs than they are of their own.

Another Experience

However, if one doesn’t have this ability, the people they assist in their career are bound to be grateful for the effect they have on their life. And through being there for others in this way, one could experience a deep sense of satisfaction.

At the same time, they could have the tendency to feel drained, and as though they rarely have enough energy. Yet, if they spend most of their life being there for others and rarely think about themselves, this is to be expected.

Feedback

If someone was to pick up on how they feel, they could tell them to take break, or they could offer to do something for them. One could have moments when they are able to accept their advice and moments when they ignore it.

And if they wanted to do something for them, one may find that they are not always able to allow this to happen. When something like this takes place, part of them may want to embrace what they have to offer but another part of them might stop this from happening.

Conflict

What this is likely to show is that the part of them that doesn’t want other people to fulfil their needs is the strongest. As a result of this, it ends up overriding the other part of them.

Therefore, if one was able to take a step back from what is taking place, they would see that they working against themselves. Instead of being their own best friend, they are their own worst enemy.

Up and Down

Having their needs met should be something that is a normal part of their life, as opposed to something that causes them so much trouble. There will be the pain they experience through not getting them met and what they have to go through when they are met.

When it comes to the latter, one could find that they end up feeling as though they are doing something wrong. They are likely to be overwhelmed with guilt, and they won’t be able to be in the present moment.

A Way Out

The sooner this experience comes to an end and one is able to focus on someone else, the better they will feel. This is going to mean that they will neglect their own needs, but at least they won’t have to feel bad.

Ultimately, one is going to be receiving what they deserve to receive, but it is going to be as though they are receiving something that they don’t deserve. One way of looking at this would be to say that it is as if they have stolen something.

Relationships

Through being this way, they are likely to have people around them who are also out of balance. They can be only too happy to let one do things for them, and they might not feel the need to give anything back.

There is the chance that one will attract people who feel as though they are entitled to this kind of treatment. It is then going to be as if one is more like a parent than a friend or a lover, for instance.

Part of Life

If one was to look back on their life, they could find that this is how their life has been for quite some time. The only way this is going to change is if they are able to change what is taking place within them.

Through doing this, the people around them will change, or they will no longer be part of their life. This will open them up to people who are able to be there for them and who have no interest in taking advantage of them.

Selfish

In order for one to get to this stage, they will need to realise that there is nothing wrong with their needs. If they don’t take care of them, it is not going to be possible for them to truly be there for others.

Through being able to take care of their own needs without feeling guilty, it will be far easier for them to function at their best. They may find that they don’t feel the need to do as much for others, and this can allow these people to do more for themselves.

Boundaries

One will no longer feel as though they need to do things that other people should be doing, and this will allow them to grow. When one does things that they shouldn’t be doing, they can end up stopping people from being responsible for their own life.

When one doesn’t feel comfortable with their own needs, it can be a sign that their younger years were a time when they had to take care of their caregivers needs. One would have been the parent and their caregiver would have been the child.

Awareness

If one can relate to this and they want to change their circumstances, it might be necessary for them to reach out for external support. This can be provided by a therapist.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk