If human beings were not interdependent, it wouldn’t matter if other people were available to meet their needs. This is not to say that someone’s need’s can only be fulfilled by other people; this would be inaccurate and a sign of dependence, not interdependence.
A child on the other hand, is unable to take care of their own needs and so they are dependent on their caregiver/s. But as an adult, one is not dependent on others, in most cases, and this means that they can take care of some of their own needs.
So there will be certain needs that one can take care of themselves, and other needs that one will need other people to take care of. This is why independence is the appropriate term and not independence or dependence.
It is not uncommon for someone to say that they are independent and in some ways this will be accurate. With one not being dependent on anyone in order to survive, it is clear they are not dependent.
When someone is dependent, they are still reliant on other people for their own survival; they have not yet developed the ability to support themselves. Being independent can then be seen as what everyone should aspire to.
And if being dependent is seen as the only other option available, then this is not much of a surprise. But while one person might be completely reliant on other people to take care of their needs, even if one is independent, they are still reliant on other people and the planet in general.
The primary difference for someone who is independent is that they have been able to develop their personal power. When it comes to the dependent individual, they have not yet been able to realise their personal power.
It could be said that one person still feels like a child and that to a certain degree, the other person feels like an adult. And as the person who is independent has been able to build up their personal power, there is the chance that they won’t have any trouble getting their needs met.
On one side, one will be able to take care of some of their needs themselves, and on the other side, one will be empowered enough to ask other people to fulfil the needs that they can’t fulfil.
However, if one has not realised their personal power and therefore feels dependent on others, there is the chance that they will not only believe that they can’t full their needs, but that they will believe that other people can’t either.
While one person can come across as dependent, and appear needy and powerless, it is also possible for someone to come across as being the complete opposite. This doesn’t mean that one doesn’t feel needy or powerless; it means that they are able to cover up their true feelings.
So even though one person will be seen as being unable to get their needs met and another person could be seen as being more than capable, they could both be in the same position. Each person is then in the same position and therefore has trouble getting their needs met.
When one has realised their personal power, they are going to have the expectation that other people will meet their needs. They won’t expect others to fulfil all of them, only the ones they can’t fulfil themselves.
If one hasn’t realised their power, there is the chance that one won’t expect other people to fulfil their needs. They might believe that their needs are unimportant and they don’t deserve to have them met for instance.
And if this is the outlook that one has; it is going to be a real challenge for them to have their needs met on a consistent bases. Having needs could feel like a burden.
However, as human beings are interdependent and can’t do everything by themselves, it can be hard to comprehend why someone would believe that their needs are a problem. Having needs should not be something one feels guilty about; it should be something that they feel comfortable with.
And when it comes to how comfortable one feels with their needs and whether they expect other people to fulfil them, it is typically due to what happened during their childhood years.
As a child, ones needs and wants could have been ignored and denied and one may have ended up taking care of their caregivers needs and wants. One then comes to see their needs as something they need to hide or ignore, and that other people are incapable of meeting them.
This is not healthy though, as to have needs is perfectly normal and part of being human. So through these experiences, one forms an internal mage that is going to create pain.
These experiences would have caused one to experience a lot of emotional pain and to from certain beliefs on top of the pain. When these beliefs are changed and the emotional pain is released from one’s body, one will gradually begin to see their needs in a different light.
This can be done with the assistance of a therapist, healer or some kind of coach. And as this work is done, one will start to feel comfortable with their needs and expect other people to meet them.
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.