Having needs is part is part of being human and this means they are nothing to be ashamed or something that one should try to remove. If each and every one of us was inherently independent, then we wouldn’t have needs. But as we are all interdependent, it means that we all have needs.
However, there is a difference between someone who has needs and someone who is needy. One person is able to get them met and then settle down for a while. The second person may get their needs met, but even when they do; it is still not going to be enough.
The person who has needs is similar to a bucket without any holes in; water is put into the bucket and it stays there. This water will soon dry out, but it won’t happen straight away.
When it relates to the person who is needy, it is like a bucked with holes in. So the water goes in and then it comes straight back out again. The water has not been able to leave a mark and soon disappears.
It is then clear how much of a difference there is between people who have needs and embrace them and people who are needy and are possessed by them. No matter what happens, their needs are never fulfilled or if they are, it is not long before they are just as needy.
And to be in this position is going to be frustrating and it is could make one wonder why they are this way. One could be completely caught up in their neediness or they could be aware of what is taking place.
But unless they are able to do something about it, it won’t necessarily matter if they are aware of it or not. Ones whole life could be consumed by their needs or one might try to avoid them.
So whether one is facing them or avoiding them, it is still going to mean that they are being controlled by them. If one is caught up in them, it will mean that they have no self control and if one avoids them, it is going to cause one to suffer nevertheless.
When one sees other people who are not as needy it could cause them to believe that they are inherently different and they have someone that they don’t have. Or one might be curious as to why they feel so different.
So if one believes that other people are different, it could make them feel like a victim and that life is unfair, for instance. And if one is curious about what is really going on, they may be able to find the real reasons for why they are different to some people.
When someone is needy it is going to be a lot harder for them to get their needs met. And this is because of how attached one is to getting them met. What one focuses on is often what they will attract into their life. And this relates to how they feel and not just too how they think.
So when one is needy they are going to manifest a reality that will correspond with how they feel; meaning that one is going to end up in situations where they don’t get their needs met. This can then become a cycle that goes on and on.
What Needs To Happen
In order for one to experience something else, they will need to change how they feel. Because all the time they feel the same way, they continue to manifest the same reality. One approach might be for one to have more of what they want; that way they won’t be as needy.
But this is not dealing with the root cause; it is just covering up how one really feels. One could also try to remove their needs through using some kind of technique.
When one was a child, they were needy and completely dependent on their caregiver/s. Now, if these dependency needs were met, it would have made it possible for one to grow out of them. However, if they were not met, there is the chance that one would have stayed in this state of neediness.
Physically they would have continued to grow and their intellect may also have continued to developed, but this would not have been the case with their emotional development.
One then looks like an adult but they don’t feel like one. And based on how an adult should feel, it is clear that this is not normal. And yet, if one didn’t get their needs met as a child how else are they supposed to feel?
It is then not about changing how one feels through force or trying to fulfil these needs, it is about giving this part of oneself what they didn’t get all those years ago. And once this part of them gets what it needs, they will no longer feel like a needy child.
Touch plays a vital role in a child’s emotional development and being affirmed is also important. When these two things are missing, there is a strong chance that it will create an adult that is emotionally undeveloped.
This is why therapists, healers and body workers can be so important. They can offer the touch and the positive regard that one didn’t get all those years ago. And through receiving these things, one will begin to emotionally grow up.
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.