What someone may find, if they were able to step back and reflect on how they usually feel, is that they have the tendency to experience ‘negative’ feelings. So, they could often feel rejected, worthless, unloved, hopeless, helpless and abandoned.
That’s not to say that these feelings will always be experienced at the same time but that these will be feelings that they are familiar with. Now, what could enter their mind is that they feel this way due to what is going on externally.
Therefore, if what was going on externally was to change, they would be able to experience more ‘positive’ feelings. It could be said that this will make sense if what is going on externally is not very harmonious.
If they were to think about their life, they could see that it is anything but fulfilling, with most if not all areas of their life not going in the direction that they would like them to. This could mean that they will often imagine that their life is different and end up feeling really good as a result.
Now, when it comes to what their life is like, there is the chance that they will be in a relationship that is not very functional. When they are with this person, they could feel worthless, unloved and hopeless and helpless.
And, when they are not in their company, they could feel rejected and abandoned. So, when they are with them they won’t feel good and when they are not with them, they won’t feel good either.
When it comes to their job or career, they could experience a number of if not all of the same feelings. This could show that they do something that is soul-destroying or they might enjoy what they do but be unable to make progress.
Once they get home at the end of the day or whenever they finish, they could feel totally frustrated and exhausted. They are then going to be desperate for this area, along with other areas of their life to change.
The Same Old Story
If they were to look back on their life, they may find that they have experienced these feelings for as long as they can remember. They will then have been with different people and had different jobs, for instance, but not much else will be different.
However, as they will believe that what is going on externally needs to change in order for their life to change, they will just have to put up with what is going on and to live in hope. Yet, what if they don’t experience these feelings purely because of what is going on externally and far there is more to it?
What if a big part of them is strongly attached to these feelings and this is why they continually have experiences where they feel this way? At this point, they could wonder what is being spoken about.
What this would mean is that by them being strongly attached to these feelings and their identity being formed around them too, they co-create a reality where they will re-experience how they already feel. This will also mean that they are not simply a passive observer of their reality and are actively playing a part, both consciously and unconsciously, in what they do and don’t experience.
If they don’t dismiss what has been said as being crazy and keep an open mind, they could wonder why they are strongly attached to these feelings and have formed an identity around them. As these feelings are having a negative effect on them, are not allowing them to see themselves in a very positive light, and are causing them to have the same disempowering experience, this won’t make any sense.
For them to understand why they are this way, it will be necessary for them to take look at what took place during their formative years. This may have been a time when they were deprived of a lot of the nutrients that they needed to grow and develop in the right way.
A Brutal Time
They may have been abused and/or neglected by one or both of their parents, which would have meant they would have often felt: rejected, worthless, unloved, hopeless, helpless and abandoned. This would have been a normal part of their life and it was a sign that, as they were egocentric, they personalised what took place.
As they were powerless and totally dependent they wouldn’t have been able to change their parent or parents or to run away. Still, along with losing touch with their true self, so their feelings and a number of their needs, they would have tried to receive what their parent or parents were unable to provide them.
One part of this would be to say what is familiar is classed as what is safe and this is why they are repeating the past, both in terms of how they feel and the situations that they find themselves in. Additionally, as they felt these feelings so often it is to be expected that they play a part in how they would come to see themselves.
To take an even closer look, it could be said that this will all come down to the fact that they are engaging in repetition compulsion. The part of them or parts, as there are likely to be many wounded parts inside them, will want to re-create their early experiences in the hope that it will finally receive what it missed out on.
Shinning the Light
This part of them will want to have experiences where they feel rejected, worthless, unloved, hopeless, helpless and abandoned and, by feeling all or some of these feelings, it will try to attain the love, support and acceptance that it desperately needs. If this part was to find itself in a position where love, support and acceptance were freely available, it wouldn’t be able to accept them.
The reason for this is that this situation won’t match up with what happened originally and it won’t be possible for this part to change what happened. The trouble is that, like before, this part will cause them to recreate situations that will match up with what happened before but what it needs won’t be able to be provided.
Drawing the Line
With this in mind, it is clear to see why no matter how many years pass, their unmet developmental needs will never be met. Trying to fulfil them will just cause them to suffer unnecessarily.
The way for them to put an end to what going on and to put the past behind them, thereby letting go of these feelings and an identity that is based on them, will be for them to work through the pain that they experienced all those years ago. This pain will have been automatically repressed by their brain and will be held in their brain and body.
If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.