If someone was to take a step back and to reflect on their life, they may find that it is more or less impossible for them to get angry. Or, if they can get angry, they may find that they don’t get angry when they need to.
Either way, through not being able to get angry when they need to, they are likely to suffer unnecessarily. If they were to think about how long they have been this way for, they may find that they have pretty much always been this way.
A Closer Look
One could often be treated badly and, instead of standing their ground, they just tolerate what is going on. In some people’s eyes, one could be seen as a doormat and someone who lacks backbone.
This could be something that takes place when they are at work and with family and friends. If they are in an intimate relationship, the same thing could take place, and if they are not, it could be what has taken place in the past.
Along with this, one could put up with things that are not serving them as opposed to doing something about them. For example, an area of their life might not be going as they want it to but this won’t be enough for them to make the necessary changes.
Therefore, not only will they be used to being treated like dirt, but their whole life can be anything but fulfilling. It is then not going to be a surprise if they often feel down and depressed and question their reason for being here.
Ultimately, their anger will be an expression of their life force and something that is there to protect them. With this in mind, if they don’t have a good connection with this part of them, they are naturally going to lack energy and to be an easy target.
For them to make the most of their life force and, thereby to have energy and to stand their ground, they will need to integrate their anger or to be more precise, their aggression. Their anger will come from their aggression/fight instinct.
Now, considering how important this part of their being is, it can seem strange as to why this part of them would have been disowned. Based on what is going on, it is clear that this is not serving them.
However, although this can be seen as the truth on one level, on another level there is likely to be more to it. In other words, if one was to make what is going on in their unconscious mind conscious, in regards to this, they might soon find that it is serving them.
A Matter of Survival
At a deeper level, one could believe that they will only survive if they keep this part of their nature at bay. What is taking place, then, will be causing them to suffer but it won’t be seen as being as bad as the alternative.
Upon realising this, their conscious mind could find it hard to understand why they have this outlook. As far as this part is concerned, this could be seen as something that is totally irrational.
If one was to reach out for support at this stage, they could soon come to think that they just need to change what they believe. Thus, once they change what is going on in their mind, their life will start to change.
This approach may work but what it probably won’t do is enable them to develop a deeper understanding of themselves. Further, it most likely won’t allow them to deal with the baggage that is being held inside their body.
Alternatively, if one was to look into why they have these ‘negative’ beliefs, they will be able to attain a deeper understating of what is going on. Through getting out of their head and connecting to their body, they may find that they are carrying a lot of emotional pain.
They could soon see that asserting themselves is perceived as something that will cause them to be rejected and abandoned. This could be a time when they will feel like a small child.
What this could illustrate is that it wasn’t safe enough for them to be in tune with their needs and to assert themselves during their early years. If they did this, they may have often been abandoned.
Consequently, they would have soon learnt that they had to disconnect from themselves and to do what their caregiver/s wanted in order to survive. Behaving in this way would set them up to suffer as time went by, but at this stage of their life, expressing their true-self wasn’t their priority.
In the beginning, one would have made it clear whenever they were not happy with something and then, as time passed, they would have disconnected from their needs and feelings. Their caregiver/s may have found them challenging at first and as time passed, and after one had lost touch with their true-self, they may have seen them as a 'well behaved' and ‘good’ child.
There is the chance that their caregiver/s was reminded of something that they themselves didn’t want to face when one expressed themselves. So, to push this pain out of their conscious awareness, they had to silence their child.
Maybe, the same thing also happened to them when they were younger, which means that this neglect was passed on from one generation to another. What happened to them would have caused them to disconnect from their true-self and to create a false-self; a false-self that allowed them to keep their deep pain at bay.
If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.