There are people on this planet that have a sense of their own value and then there are those that don’t. It can be as though some people were born with this in place, while others weren’t.
Still, even though it might seem as though this is something that someone is born with, there is far more to it. In general, it is someone’s early years that define whether or not they will have a sense of their own value as an adult.
An Incredibly Important Time
Therefore, if they are treated in the right way during this stage of their life, their adult life will be far easier than it would be otherwise. Additionally, thanks to what they received as a child, they will typically have the inner strength and resilience to be able to handle life as an adult.
If one was treated in the right way during this time and has a sense of their own value as an adult, this is likely to be what is normal. Due to this, they might not even realise how beneficial their early years were.
A Closer Look
When one has a sense of their own value, it will mean that their value won’t be based on what they do or how they look, for instance. It will be something that is inside them and not based on anything external.
Through having this in place, they will be able to feel comfortable in their own skin and know, at a deeper level, that they deserve to receive things. They will probably be aware that there will be times when they will need to take action and to put the effort in, but they won’t need to do these things to justify their own existence or to prove anything.
A Different Reality
On the other hand, when one doesn’t have a sense of their own value, their value will be seen as something that is defined by what they do, what they achieve and/or how they look, amongst other things. In other words, their value will be on the outside, not on the inside.
This is then going to make it hard for them to feel comfortable in their own skin and to realise that they deserve to receive things. In a way, it will be as if they have about as much value as a piece of rubbish on the ground.
A Tough Existence
At the same time, they might not even feel as though they have as much value as a piece of rubbish. As while a piece of rubbish might be able to be recycled and used for something, they could believe that they have no use whatsoever.
Through having this view of themselves, they could experience life in one of two ways. Either they could typically embrace how they feel or they could typically do just about everything that they can to avoid how they feel.
The First Experience
If one typically embraces how they feel, they could be in a position where they haven’t achieved very much. They could have an existence that is very basic and they might have very little interest in doing anything about this.
This can also mean that they are used to feeling very low and depressed, with them having moments when they think about ending their life. Their relationships could be anything but fulfilling, that’s if they have anyone in their life.
The Second Experience
If one typically denies how they feel, they could be in a position where they have achieved a lot. Consequently, they could be seen as successful and have all the trappings that are associated with success.
This could mean that they are used to feeling powerful and as though they are better than others. They could have plenty of people in their life, but even if they do, their relationships could be very superficial.
Stuck On a Treadmill
The trouble is that no matter what this person achieves or attains, it is unlikely to have a lasting effect on how they feel. If they stop behaving in this way and allow themselves to just be - to be a human being as opposed to a human doing - they could end up being overwhelmed by how they feel.
If both of these peoples early years were different, their adult life would most likely be different. Ultimately, this is likely to have been a time when they were neglected.
Perhaps they were left from time to time or this might have been how things were more or less all of the time. And as they had no way of knowing what was going on and were egocentric at this stage of their life, it would have caused them to believe that they were left because there was something inherently wrong with them.
Not only this, one wouldn’t have received the love, care and attunement that they needed in order to develop in the right way. They might not have been starved of food, but they would have certainly been emotionally starved.
As Conrad W. Barrs goes into in his book ‘Born Only Once’, they wouldn’t have had a second birth. They would have had a physical birth, but they wouldn’t have received what they needed to have an emotional birth.
One will have taken the first step by becoming aware of this; the second will be for them to do something about it. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.