If someone was a neglected as a child, there will have been the pain that they went through for many years while they were younger and, now that they are an adult, there can be all the pain that they experience. What took place will have happened a long time go, that much is clear, but time alone won’t have allowed them to truly put what took place behind them.
However, although what took place when they were younger will still be having an impact on them, it doesn’t mean that one will realise why their life is the way that it is. Due to how long their life has been this way for, this could just be seen as how life is.
Furthermore, one might not be able to remember what took place when they were younger, which will prevent them from understating why their life is the way that it is. If they were only able to remember a small part of what took place, it would still give them the chance to change their life.
Through being out of touch with this important information, one could even believe that they were just born this way. There is then going to be very little that they can do to change their life, setting them up to feel both helpless and hopeless.
If they were unable to remember what took place when they were younger, yet they were able to take a step back and to reflect on how they experience life, they could end up focusing on what is taking place in their mind. As the mind is typically the primary focus in mainstream society when it comes to mental and emotional problems, this is not going to be much of a surprise.
Through going down this route, they can believe that their life will change if they change what is taking place up top, so to speak. At this point in their life, they could be so desperate to change how they experience life that they are unable to think critically and to scrutinize the approach that is put forward.
When it comes to how they experience life, their thoughts could typically be out of control as well as their emotions. They could find it hard to get to sleep and just as hard to get out of bed in the morning.
Feeling good about themselves and as though they deserve to receive anything could also be a challenge. They could have the tendency to neglect their own needs and to focus on the needs of others, too.
Along with this, they could often feel invisible and as though they don’t exist when they are around others. This could be a time when they are generally ignored or overlooked.
One is then not going to need to spend time by themselves to feel alone as they will be able to feel this way around their fellow human beings. Still, they could also find that they feel uncomfortable when they do receive attention and are acknowledged.
So if they were to focus on their thoughts and to change what is taking place there, they may find that they are able to change their life. Then again, this approach might not work or it might only work for a short while.
If this approach doesn’t work, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they are not doing it right or that there is something wrong with them. What it is likely to mean is that they are carrying a lot of emotional pain in their body – emotional pain that needs to be worked through.
During their early years, their caregiver/s wouldn’t have been available very much, if at all, and when they were, they would have rarely, if ever, been emotionally available. And, as they needed love, attention and care at this point to grow and develop, it would have been incredibly painful for them to have caregivers that were like this.
Not only would it have been too much for their undeveloped being to handle, there would have been very little that they could have done to handle this pain. The only option would have been for them to disconnect from the pain in their body and to dissociate.
Thus, what they needed to receive in order to go through each development stage wouldn’t have been provided. Instead, they would have just experienced an endless amount of pain and had to tolerate this pain.
With this in mind, they are likely to have layers and layers of emotional pain inside them. This pain will be having a big effect on what takes place up top, which is why purely focusing on their mind is not the answer.
One way to look at this would be to say that one will have thousands of split-off parts inside them. Their being will be in a fractured state and reintegrating these parts will allow them to operate as a whole human being.
Until this happens, it won’t be possible for them to fully show up, to be present and to be in their power. From the outside they will look whole; however, they will be anything but whole on the inside.
Another way of looking at this would be to say that one has many inner children inside them that want to be seen and heard. As each child is able to express what it was unable to express all those years ago, it will be able to settle down and to merge with the rest of their being.
If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.