Although someone might not realise that they were neglected as a child, it doesn’t mean that what took place will be firmly behind them. Their physical appearance will have changed and they might even live in a totally different environment, but their adult life could have a lot in common with their early years.
In fact, if they were able to go back in time, to connect to how they felt as a child and how they experienced life, they may see that their adult life is not much different. Nonetheless, thanks to how many years have passed and all the defences that their mind has developed, they might not be able to connect to what took place.
One Big Struggle
Thanks to this, they will be in a bad way but they won’t realise why their life is the way that it is. Due to how long their life has been this way for, it could just be what is normal and seen as how life is.
Still, even if how they experience life has become normal, it doesn’t mean that they won’t see that their life is not very good. It simply means that no matter how bad their life is, they probably won’t believe that they can do anything about it.
A Miserable Existence
When it comes to how they experience life, just about every part of it could be anything but fulfilling. If they have a job, it might not be something that they enjoy doing and their relationships might not be much better either.
They may have people in their yet even if they do, they might not be very close to them. As for an intimate relationship, they might not have ever been in one or if they have been in at least one, it might not have lasted for very long.
As for how they typically feel they might be used to feeling down and even have suicidal feelings. Additionally, they might spend a lot of time feeling low, lonely, powerless, disconnected and as though they don’t belong anywhere.
In a way, it could seem as though they are on the outside looking in and are not part of the human race. They are then going to be a human being, just like everyone else, but there will be something different about them; something that they can’t quite pinpoint.
Through feeling different, it will be perfectly normal for them to stay on the sidelines and not take part in what other people are doing. A big part of them might want to join their fellow human beings, but a bigger part of them is likely to want to keep their distance.
At times, feeling this way could make them think and feel that they are superior to others. Still, once this settles down they could end up thinking and feeling that they are inferior to others.
Going Against Their Nature
Ultimately, one is an interdependent human being who is no better or worse than anyone else. Thus, not allowing themselves to join their fellow human beings and feeling less-than or more than others is going to make their life far harder than it needs to be.
They won’t have done anything wrong but how they live their life will create the impression that they have. Unlike in ancient Athens when people were ostracised for ten years; there will be no time limit in place for them.
Seeing the Connection
If they were able to get a sense of what they went through as a child, what they are going through as an adult would start to make sense. This doesn’t mean that they would no longer feel worthless any more or as though they don’t belong.
For this to change, it will most likely take more than insight into their past. They will need to look into what they believe, to question these beliefs and to work through their emotional wounds, amongst other things.
Back In Time
During their early years, their parents may have been emotionally unavailable and they may have often left them all alone. So whether the people who brought them into the world wanted them or not, they would have created the impression that they didn’t want them.
Being left at this time would have been extremely painful as they were dependent, powerless and needed attention to grow and develop. It has been said that the brain can’t differentiate between physical and emotional pain, and this is why it would have probably been less painful if they were hit as opposed to left at this stage of their life.
The whole experience would have been very similar to how someone feels if they are ostracised. The difference is that while an adult will be able to do something to ensure their survival, as a small child, they wouldn’t have been able to do anything.
They could only sit in all their pain or disconnect from their body and dissociate. The pain that they experienced would have been too much for them to handle and it may have even harmed their brain.
The Foundations Were Laid
What took place would have had nothing to do with their value as a human being and everything to do with what was taking place for their caregivers. Even so, as they were egocentric at this stage of their life, they would have taken everything personally.
Based on what they experienced as a child, they may have some, if not all, of the following beliefs:
These beliefs, as well as others, would have been an accurate reflection of what was going on but now they will just be beliefs, meaning that they are not the truth. However, unless they are brought up into the light and questioned, they will continue to have a massive effect on their life.
If someone can relate to this, it will be essential for them to focus on the fact that what took place wasn’t their fault and that they don’t deserve to suffer. External support may be needed, and this can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
To book your free 15-minute consultation, click here.
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
Child Abuse And Neglect - How To Heal From Child Abuse And Neglect