I remember hearing about someone who only felt good about themselves if they received a certain amount of likes on a social media site. This person was sharing pictures of their face and their body.
If they received a certain amount of likes everything would be fine, but if they didn’t, they would soon end up hitting rock bottom. It was clear that this person had allowed other people to define their value and to control their emotional state.
They hadn’t met the majority of these people before and, even if they had, they might not have got on with most of them. The power to define how they feel was then in the hands of people who they knew very little about.
If they only allowed their friends and family to define their value, for instance, it would be different as they would know what they were like and value them. But even if this was the case, they would still be giving their power away.
A Big Shock
Even if this person was able to meet all of their followers, there is a strong chance that they wouldn’t get on with most of them. And they might even start to hate a lot of these people if they were to spend a lot of time with them.
But even though this would be a draining experience, it would allow them to see how crazy it is to give their power away to these people. Consequently, instead of feeling down about not getting ‘likes’ from all of their followers, they might feel relieved.
A Precarious Position
When our worth is externalised in this manner, it will feel good when we receive positive feedback; we could feel as though we are on top of the world. The downside is that when this positive feedback is not forthcoming, we can end up feeling completely worthless.
Not only this, we can get used to the amount of likes that we receive and need more to experience the same hit. What can also play a part is that we can compare how may ‘likes’ we get with how many ‘likes’ other people get, with this being another way for us to feel good or bad about ourselves.
Lastly, if we are looking for people to approve of how we look, there is going to come a time when this approach no longer works. Our appearance will gradually change and this will cause people to go elsewhere.
Considering this fact, it is going to be far better for us to get in touch with our inherent value and to let go of the need for other people to make us feel good about ourselves. Getting in touch with our inherent value is not always easy, though, and this is usually because of what we have picked up throughout our life, along with what has been passed down from our ancestors.
Negative beliefs, emotional pain and trauma, can stop us from being able to connect to our inherent value. Each layer will have built up on the previous later, preventing us from realising the truth of who we are.
When it comes to dealing with all this baggage, external support may be required. This is something that can be provided by a therapist or a healer, for instance.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.