If someone was to look back on their life, they might wonder what happened to their childhood. The reason for this is that this may have been a stage when they had to act like an adult.
Instead of being able to have fun, to play and have very few, if any, responsibilities, they may have been the complete opposite. A stage of their life when they should have been carefree was then a stage when they were weighed down.
Ultimately, they would have been forced to act like a parental figure and one or both of their caregivers would have probably acted like children. At a stage of their life when they needed to receive and to express themselves ended up being a stage when they had to give and hide themselves.
Naturally, as they had to be there for someone else or a number of people, it wouldn’t have been possible for them to grow and develop. So, while they will look like an adult, it is highly unlikely that they will feel like one.
One Big Act
Still, thanks to what they had to do during their formative years, they are likely to be very good at playing the role of an adult. They will be there for others and they might even work in a helping profession.
Thus, most people are likely to see them as very responsible and as playing their part in life. In fact, it could go oven further than this, with some people describing them as selfless and as a saint.
An Endless Flow
It might not matter what time of the day it is or what they are doing, as they could be available to help others. If they are not available in person, they could be available over the phone.
Due to how they behave, they are going to be used to receiving positive feedback from others. Every now and then, though, they could end up feeling exhausted and wonder what is going on.
A Challenging Time
During this time, not only will they feel totally floored but they can also feel bad for not being able to be there for others. They are then going to be on their back emotionally, if not physically, but they won’t be able to truly surrender to what is going on.
There will be the guilt and the shame that they feel and they could also feel as though their very survival is under threat. Consequently, they are not going to allow themselves to fully recharge, and this could cause them to fall down again before long.
A Natural Outcome
Behind the act that they present to the world is likely to be an underdeveloped child, and this child will have gone into hiding a long time ago. Ergo, while many, many years will have passed since they were a child, the child that they once were will now live inside them.
This child, by not having received what it needed, is unlikely to be in a good way. As they typically had to be there for others as a child, this part of them is going to have a lot of unmet needs and be in a lot of pain.
A Bad Thing
The needs that they had as a child were not bad but they would have come to believe that there was something wrong with them. As a result of this, they would have ended up hiding and then disconnecting from them.
It would have been painful for them to be aware of their needs and not to have them met and revealing them would have probably caused them to be rejected and/or abandoned. From a young age, they learned that hiding their needs and being there for others was the only way for them to survive.
A Weak Sense of Self
Their true self, so their needs, feelings, preferences and wants, would have gone into hiding and a false self would have been created. This would have automatically taken place as they were brought up in an environment where they were forced to adapt to their caregivers.
Another part of not having received what they needed is that they won’t have been able to develop boundaries. They won’t have a clear sense of where they begin and end and where other people begin and end.
An Empty Vessel
If they had received what they needed, they would have been able to go from an empty, dependent human being to a full, interdependent human being. They would have a strong sense of self and strong boundaries, which would allow them to know what they are and are not responsible for and to feel comfortable asserting themselves and saying no.
Their needs and feelings would also be seen as a normal part of life as opposed to something that they need to be ashamed of and hide. This would allow them to have equal relationships, not relationships where they are like a parent and another is like a helpless child.
Taking care of their needs would be a normal part of life and they wouldn’t need to feel bad for not being able to be there for another. What this would also do is stop them from being an enabler.
In other words, they wouldn’t do the things for others that they should do for themselves. They might not have been able to have fun and to play as a child, but now they will be able to make time for such things.
If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.