What someone could find is that they often lack energy and find it hard to do things. In general, they might only leave their home when they have to go to work and need food.
Along with this, they could go out to see friends, watch TV and they may exercise every now and then. But, even when they do go out to see others, it could typically only be because someone reached out to them.
What could be clear is that being this way is stopping them from being able to truly embrace life. They are just going to be going through the motions and won’t be really living.
Yet, although they will be aware of this, they are not going to have the oomph that they need to do anything about it. So, once they have thought about how they experience life, they could soon go back to how they were before.
After they have thought it this a few times, they could feel deeply frustrated and wonder what is going on. What might enter their mind is if they were just born this way and will then be this way forever.
This could also be a time when part of them will lay into themselves for not taking action and even accuse them of being lazy. Right now, they will need to be supported; what they won’t need is to be undermined.
If they were to think about the moments in their life when they have taken action and looked to achieve something, they could find that this has often been a time when they didn’t get very far. Thanks to this, they came to believe that there is no point in them trying to do anything about their life as they won’t get very far.
One way of looking at this would be to say that they are in a position where they have learned to be helpless. It now doesn’t matter if they can do something or not as they can’t accept that they have the ability to change their life.
At this point, it could be said that they have a ‘negative’ outlook and that this needs to change in order for them to move out of this passive state. This will then be a time when they will be changing their thoughts and questioning what they believe.
By doing this, they might gradually be able to start taking action and see, with their own eyes, that they are not powerless. Then again, this approach might not work and they could soon fall into a pit of despair.
However, what if they are not this way due to what they have experienced as an adult and it goes back even further? There is a chance that how they feel as an adult when it comes to changing their life, is how they felt throughout their developmental years.
This may have been a time when they not only felt powerless to do anything about what was going on but they were powerless to do anything about it. What this may illustrate is that this was a time when they were mistreated by one or both of their parents.
A Closer Look
Perhaps they were often physically harmed, verbally put down and rejected and abandoned. This would have caused them to be deeply wounded but they wouldn’t have been able to do anything about it.
They were powerless and totally dependent, so the only option would have been for the pain they were in to be repressed and for them to go into a collapsed physical state. Another part of this is that they would have disconnected from their body.
A Matter of Survival
If they hadn’t automatically adapted in this way, their life might have soon come to an end. Now that they are an adult, they will no longer be powerless and unable to change their circumstances but a big part of them won’t realise this.
To this part of them, they will still be powerless and so it won’t matter what they do. Most if not all of the pain that they experienced will be held inside their body, along with their unmet developmental needs.
Most likely, this pain will need to be worked through and their unmet developmental needs will need to be experienced. This is something that will take courage and patience and persistence.
If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.