One of the reasons why someone would get into self-development is because they have the need to please others. What this will show is that they are aware of what is wrong and this is then why they have been able to take the next step.
One Step Behind
Yet, if one hasn’t reached this point, it might not be possible for them to do anything about it. The information that they need to change their life could then be right in front of them, but it won’t matter.
For example, one could go into a book shop and walk straight past the section that has books on self-development. As a result of this, one will continue to experience life in the same way, and their life could get even worse.
The Same Story
However, even if one is aware of the fact that they need to please others, they can still have a lot in common with someone who isn’t. So when one experiences life in this way, it is going to be a challenge for them to fulfil their own needs.
There may be moments in their life when this does take place, but it is going to be the exception as opposed to the rule. What this means is that their priority will be to fulfil other people’s needs.
Point Of Focus
Therefore, instead of being able to focus on their own needs and to be there for others from time to time, they will spend most of their time focusing on what other people need. Naturally, this is going to cause them to be out of balance, and if they behaved in this way when it came to food, for instance, they wouldn’t last for very long.
The problem is that when one behaves in this way when it comes to the rest of their needs, it is going to cause them to suffer in silence. Another way of looking at it would be to say that one will be alive, but they will be dying on the inside.
Even so, this doesn’t mean that other people will realise what is taking place, and the reason for this is that one can put an act around others. Due to how they behave, it can be normal for other people to believe that everything is fine.
One could be seen as someone who is easy going and only too happy to be there for others. Based on this, it is not going to be a surprise for people to see them as some kind of role model.
Behind The Scenes
When they are by themselves, they are likely to come across in a completely different way. This could be a time when they feel angry and, as time passes, they could end up feeling down.
If they are aware of their need to please other people, they will realise why they feel this way. But if they are not aware of this need, they might think about why their mind is responding in this way.
One could come to the conclusion that there is something wrong with their brain, and that they have a ‘chemical imbalance’. There will then be no need for them to change their behaviour as this will be seen as something that is out of their control.
This is an example of how someone can end up going down the wrong path when they are not aware of what is taking place at a deeper level. The fact that one is likely to live in a society that discourages self-awareness is also likely to play a part here.
A Natural Response
If one is in a position where they ignore their own needs, it would be abnormal for them to be completely comfortable with what is taking place. The fact that they feel angry and/or depressed is due to the fact that they are not living in the right way.
Now, whether one is consciously aware of this or not is irrelevant - deep down they know that this is the case. When one is not aware of why they feel this way, they are going to suffer unnecessarily.
For as long as this continues, one will continue to put other people’s needs first and to watch their life pass them by. It might seem as though they are on the outside looking in, or they might feel like they are sitting on the substitute’s bench.
They could have a job that is not very fulfilling, and their relationships might not be much better. Perhaps one spends time with people who are abusive, or they might just be around people who are caught up with their own needs.
The Next Step
When one is aware of what is taking place, they are going to have the need to change their behaviour. What they could then find is that they feel uncomfortable, but that this is not enough to stop them in their tracks.
At the same time, one could change their behaviour and this could cause them to be overwhelmed with fear and anxiety. Their need to change is then going to be taken over by their need to protect themselves.
A Closer Look
Their first response could be to wonder what is going on; then again, it might be only to clear as to why they feel this way. During their early years, they may have been abused and/or neglected by their caregivers.
Putting their needs first would then have been something that would have caused them to be harmed. Through focusing on their caregivers needs, this would have made it easier for them to survive.
If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. This can be provided by a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.