While someone can do everything they can do displease others, they can also have the opposite approach. In this case, it is going to be normal for them to overlook their own needs.
Point of Focus
One is then not going to pay attention to what is taking place within them, they are going to be primarily concerned with what is taking place externally. And this can then mean that they are not even aware of what is taking place within.
But even if they are aware, it is unlikely to matter, and this is because other people’s needs are going to be more important. What this will show is that it is not going to be possible for them to express their true-self.
Through being in a position here they are unable to be themselves, it is going to cause them to experience pain. However, even though this will be the case, it doesn’t mean that this pain will consume their life.
Through doing what other people want them to do (or what they think they want them to do), it will allow them to experience positive feelings and thoughts. As a result of this, how they feel at a deeper level will generally be kept at bay.
A Motivating Factor
The kind of feedback that they receive through pleasing others will give them the energy to carry on doing the same thing. There is then going to be no reason for them to change, and they will continue to put on an act.
Therefore, unless they no longer receive the same amount of approval from others, there is not going to be much chance of them changing course. And if this was something that changed, they could simply end up doing more for people.
This is then similar to what would happen if one needed to have a drink and they had run out of money. On one side of the spectrum, they could end up asking a friend for money, and on the other side, they could go to store and try to steal something.
What this comes down to is that when the desire is there, they are not going to be able to put it to one side. The external source that is in control of their behaviour is then different, but they are still going to suffer in one way or another.
Now, if one has been able to please people for quiet some time and then his starts to change, then it is to be expected that they will look for other ways to achieve the same outcome. Their past experiences will give them the encouragement that they need in order to keep going.
Yet, even if one has pleased people in the past, it doesn’t mean that they have always been able to do this. There will have been times when other people will have responded differently, and there may have even been moments when other people reacted in an extremely negative manner.
Even so, when one needs to please other people and they can’t take a step back; they are not going to want to face reality. Their whole life is going to revolve around doing what other people want.
Something within them will be forcing them to do this, and they could even end up feeling as though they are possessed. So even if they wanted to change their behaviour, it doesn’t mean that this will be seen as something that can take place.
One could also wonder when they will be able to be themselves in life, instead of having to play a role all the time. As they play a role, it is going to mean that most people don’t know who they are, and this is going to lead to an empty existence.
It won’t matter if they are with others or by themselves, as they are likely to feel disconnected. This then shows that one is experiencing inner conflict, and if this wasn’t the case, they wouldn’t need to play a role.
Life or Death
If one was to get in touch with what is taking place within them, they may find that they only feel comfortable when they focus on other people. In fact, they could feel as though their very survival rests upon pleasing others.
Therefore, even though one looks as though they are there for others, they are really there for themselves. But unless they are able to realise that they can survive without having to ignore their own needs, their life is not going to change.
A Deeper Look
As one has their one needs, it can be hard to understand why they would feel this way; especially as there are people who do feel comfortable fulfilling their needs. What this is likely to show is that their childhood years were a time when it wasn’t safe for them to be themselves.
During this time, they would have had to take care of their caregivers needs, and this would have been what allowed them to be approved of. And at this age, it would have been a matter of life or death.
Defined By the Past
The years have then passed but one’s life is still being affected by what took place during the beginning of their life. What this shows is how powerful these early experiences are, and that it is not possible for one to run away away from what took place.
If one can relate to this and they want to change their life, it might be necessary for them to work with a therapist. Through dealing with the trauma within them, they will gradually be able to live their own life.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.