In order for someone to live a fulfilling life, there are going to be at last two things that will need to be in place. On the one hand, they will need to be aware of their needs, and on the other; they will need to feel safe enough to fulfil them.
From here, one will have the ability to behave in a way that is in alignment with their true-self. This can then allow them to move towards their goals and to achieve what they want to achieve.
However, even though this is the ideal way to experience life, it doesn’t mean that everyone has this view. There are bound to be people who believe that this is the complete opposite of how someone should experience life.
As far as they are concerned, the most important thing could be to be there for others. Said another way, other people’s needs are going to be seen as being far more important than their own.
Black and White
It is then going to be clear that there are only two options: either one focuses on their own needs or they focus on other people’s needs. And if this is the case, it is not going to be hard to see why someone would believe that it is better to be there for others.
If one is only there for themselves, they can feel selfish (and they can look bad), and this is not going to be good for someone who has a healthy conscience. What will feel good is being there for others and making a difference.
A Closer Look
Yet, while this might seem as though it is something that is black and white, there is actually far more to it. When someone is aware of their own needs and does what they can to fulfil them, it doesn’t mean that they will overlook other people’s needs.
For example, one could have a profession where they assist a lot of people, and the reason why they can do this will be due to the fact that they paid attention to their own needs. This could mean that they will be a doctor or a nurse, for instance.
A Bit of Both
Having a career like this is going to make a difference in other people lives and it will allow them to meet a number of their own needs. On the surface, it could seem as though they are a ‘selfless’ human being, but this is likely to be nothing more than an illusion.
What this shows is that one can fulfil their own needs and meet other people needs at the same time. This is then going to be radically different to someone who is completely consumed by their own needs.
It’s Slightly More Complex
It can be easy to believe that the people who are there for others are ignoring their own needs. These people can then be placed on pedestal, and seen as being superior to the people who are consumed by their own needs.
But if someone does behave in this way and they are a healthy human being, there will be moments when they focus on their own needs. Through doing this, they will be able to recharge their batteries, so to speak.
A Big Difference
When one is in a position where they are able to fulfil their ‘higher needs’ and they are able to focus on their ‘lower needs’, they will be able to truly be there for others. But, if one neglects their own needs, it is not going to be possible for them to do this.
As a result of this, they could be doing more harm than good. Not only will they be neglecting themselves, they could also be doing things for people that they shouldn’t be doing.
A Common Occurrence
For example, if they end up with people who they try to rescue, they are going to stop these people from growing. The people they spend time with are then going to be more like their children.
When this happens, one can look as though they have it all together, but it is likely to show that they are trying to avoid the pain that is within them. Their need to rescue others is then nothing more than a futile attempt to save themselves.
If one does have the tendency to neglect their own needs, they could find that they have a strong need for approval. Pleasing others is going to be something that they feel they need to do.
To behave differently could be seen as something that would put their life under threat. What is taking place within them is going to stop them from being able to fulfil their own needs on a regular basis.
A Deeper Look
If they were to behave differently, they could end up being overwhelmed by their own emotions. They could experience fear and anxiety, and they might feel as though they will be harmed and/or abandoned.
Pleasing others is then going to be a way for them to make sure that they are not overwhelmed by their own emotions. Thus, while it may seem as though one is not getting anything from behaving in this way, this is not going to be the truth.
The reason one is experiencing life in this way could be down to what took place when they were younger. Perhaps this was a time when they were abused and/or neglected, which would have caused them to experience trauma.
If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. This can be provided by a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.