People Pleasing: Why Do Some People Believe That They Will Be Rejected If They Don’t Please Others?

While someone will have their own needs, it doesn’t mean that they will pay attention to them. Instead, they can have the tendency to do what other people want and what they think they want.

As a result of this, their life is not going to be an expression of who they are. Living in this way may allow them to receive a fair amount of approval but what it probably won’t do is allow them to live a fulfilling life.

The Norm

If they were able to take a step back and to reflect on their life, they may find that their life has been this for as long as they can remember. It could then seem as though this is just how life is and that there is absolutely nothing that they can do.

Thus, living in this way can cause then to experience a fair amount of anger and frustration with their being moments when they feel totally powerless, yet they will just have to tolerate it. Their true-self won’t see the light of day and the people in their life might not even realise that they are hiding who they are.

It’s Automatic

So when one is around others, they will generally behave in a way that doesn’t reflect who they are. They will then rarely need to think about how to behave as this will be something that just happens.

In addition to how they behave, there will be the way in which they live their life that doesn’t match up with who they are. This can relate to the where they live and the type of job that they have, for instance.

For Example

When it comes to their behaviour, they could come across as submissive and easy going. Due to this, speaking their mind and standing their ground is unlikely to be something that takes place very often.

As for where they live and their job, they could live somewhere that is not a good fit for them and have a job that doesn’t match up with their values. Living where they live and doing what they do is not going to energise them or lift them up.

Hiding In plain Sight

Irrespective of how they behave or live their life, there is going to be no need for them to spend time by themselves in order for them to hide, as they will do this when they are around others. And even if they are outgoing and are classed as ‘successful’, they are still not going to be standing in their power and shinning their light.

Thanks to the fact that they are not expressing who they are, they will be holding themselves back. If they lack self-awareness, it may seem as though other people are holding them back.

The Benefit

Nonetheless, if they were able to take a step back and to imagine that they have changed their behaviour and their life, they may find that it doesn’t take long until a number of fears come up. There is also the chance that they have come into contact with these fears whenever they have behaved differently and made changes in their life.

During this time, they may find that a fear of being rejected and then abandoned arises. If this is so, it may show that they believe that they will only be accepted if they do what other people want and what they think they want.

Life and Death

Not doing this is going to be seen as something that would put their very survival at risk. If one didn’t have this belief, they would be able to be themselves without needing to worry about not being accepted by others.

There would be plenty of people that wouldn’t accept them, of course, but there would most likely be plenty of people that would. With this in mind, it will be essential for them to change what they believe.
​
A Closer Look

If one has experienced life in this way for as long as they can remember, there is the chance that their early years were a time when the love that they received was conditional. What this means is that they didn’t receive real love.

When they were younger, they may have only been accepted and approved of if they behaved in a certain way and did what their caregivers wanted. This would have stopped them from being able to develop self-love and to feel comfortable in their own skin, setting them up to believe that they could only survive if they did what other people wanted.

Stuck In The Past

Many, many years will have passed since this stage of their life, but they will still see life in the same way. Not only will there be the beliefs that will need to be changed, there will also be the emotional pain and trauma that they will need to work through.

It is then not just going to be about what is taking place in their head, it will also be about what is taking place in their body. Dealing with both of these parts will allow them to become whole and complete and to embrace the love that is inside them.

Awareness

If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer. 

---

​If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.

• Join my Facebook Page.
• Follow me on Twitter.
• The books I have written.

Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk