Perfection: Why Do Some People Try To Be Perfect?

To be seen as perfect is very much a part of the of the modern day world. And this doesn’t only relate to one’s ability in life; it also plays a part in how one looks and in how one feels.

Clear examples of this can be found in the media and the fairly recent introduction of anti aging products. To be wrinkle free, have the perfect skin and to never age, is gradually becoming the norm.

The importance of exercise and looking after ones physical healthy has been around for many years. And this is something that has now been turned into another area where one must look perfect.

Subjective Ideals

These are just some of the things that are current society holds up as what perfection is. And upon closer inspection of these ideals, we can see that they are subjective. They are not objective and set in stone.

When it comes to the perfect body, one person may come up with one description and for another person it may be something else. To perpetually look like a teenager might be what one person values; for another, having wrinkles will be a sign of having character and therefore accepted.

Acceptance

So through matching up to ideals such as those mentioned above of what perfection is, one will then get to feel a certain way and to gain acceptance. And as these are areas where one has the chance to receive high levels of approval from people, they are may appear to be the ideal options to pursue.

But while perfection may be sought as a way to gain approval from others and to therefore feel good about oneself; it won’t necessarily lead to a sense of fulfilment.  All that could be occurring is the regulation of one’s inner fears.

A Mask

Even though trying to be perfect is seen as normal and as ‘part of the world’ it is there for a reason. And one of the primary reasons for this is the result of what’s going on at a level that is invisible to the eyes.

Through matching up to what is classed as perfect, it allows one to avoid having to face what it would mean to not be perfect. And this is something that can be subjective and at the same time there will probably be general patterns that exist.

Meaning

To not be seen as perfect can lead to extreme emotional pain and if these emotions, feelings or thoughts are not dealt with, there will be two options. Either one becomes consumed by the emotions and faces the consequences of being imperfect. Or they do all that they can to be perfect and this will lead to at least a temporary regulation of the unpleasant thoughts and emotions.

So, in order to keep this process up, it is inevitable going to create a lot of stress, pressure and tension. High levels of anxiety and fear are also likely to exist.

Associations

What this comes down to is what the ego mind has associated around being imperfect. The ego mind forms associations around everything and once these associations are in palace, it will be what is interpreted as familiar and therefore safe.

And to the mind there will be no other ways of being. These associations will trigger emotions and thoughts. Ones personal reality will be shaped by them and how one sees others will also be influenced by them.

Examples

While there can be numerous associations of what it means to be imperfect, there will be some common themes. And these can be:

·    That one will be rejected

·    That one will be a failure

·    That one will be unlovable

·    That one will be abandoned

·    That one will be unworthy

·    That one will be ignored

·    That one will be humiliated

Causes

The causes of these associations can be from what happened to one as an adult and what happened to them as a child. Perhaps one didn’t get something right as an adult and this made them feel that it wasn’t safe to get something wrong.

And as a child, it could have been that one had a one of experience or multiple experiences of only being accepted and loved when they did everything right. So creating a mask of being perfect to feel safe then become a natural response to an unhealthy environment.

By internalising the negativity around them, one came to believe that they were inherently flawed.  And due to the ego minds dual nature, it caused one to try to be perfect as a way to avoid the pain that would surface if they were not.

Awareness

For as long as the ego mind has these associations around being perfect, one will likely attract people and end up in situations that mirror them. The mind is constantly looking for that which it believes to be true. And what is believes to be true is these associations.

Although they are creating drama and pain in one’s life, they are what the ego mind is interpreting as familiar and familiar is what is safe. So at the deepest level; to go against them would mean death.

This may require the assistance of a therapist, healer or a coach. Or it may just be a case of becoming aware of these associations and then changing them.

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Oliver J R Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/