Permission: Do We Need Permission In Life?

Although one may have the desire to act in a certain way or to achieve a certain goal, there can be challenges that get in the way. And one of those challenges is the need to gain permission from others. Now, this is not necessarily something that one looks for at a conscious level, it could be something one seeks unconsciously.

But even though one might not even be aware of this need, it can define what they do and what they don’t do in life. If one is conscious of this a solution can be sought and yet if they are unaware of this need, it can cause extreme self sabotage.

Progress will either be impossible or it will happen very slowly; simply because one is forever waiting to get the all clear from others. If this is gained, one can move towards what they want to achieve or act in a way that matches who they are and if not, then they will stay as they are.

Two Types

There are typically two types of permission and one could be classed as essential and the other as limiting. In order for one to become a doctor or a nurse for example, they need to gain the right training and as a result of that, the qualifications that go with it.

Healthy

For someone to claim to be a doctor and then start practicing on people would lead to serious problems. So one trains for many years to become a doctor and through this process, they gain permission to be a doctor.

This is not limiting or something that will lead to one giving up on their dreams. Unless one hasn’t got the motivation to be one of course, but in this case it is probably not what they truly want to be in life.

Unhealthy

When it comes to someone wanting to behave in a way that is going to empower them and reflect their true nature, it is not necessary to gain permission from others. And the same applies to achieving a certain goal or mastering a specific skill.

One might have to learn different skills or study different things, but that is just a means to an end. When it comes to what they want to realise, the permission of others is irrelevant. This is not to say that someone is then immoral and will lead a life that is without concern for the welfare of others.

It means that one will not let other people define what they do or don’t not achieve. And permission will not be something that one seeks from others; it will be what they give to themselves.

Freedom

There are all types of freedom that one can attain and this can include: to feel free within and financial freedom. But with those meanings aside, to need the permission of others in order to do anything is unlikely to result in freedom.

One will feel enslaved to the views of others and this means compromise. After gaining the all clear from another person or people in general, perhaps one could get things moving and do what they need to do.

At his point it could be too late and as the saying goes ‘tomorrow never comes’. So the more one puts something off and into the hands of another, the less chance there is that it will happen.

It’s Normal

While there are going to be clear problems to living life this way, it can feel normal and how one should act. And not only if someone wants to become a fireman or a nurse for example, but in every area of life.

It could also be something that is so engrained into ones psyche that they are not even aware of their need for permission before they do anything. Now this is not something that just happened and one was simply born this way. There have been certain influences that have shaped ones outlook.

Approval

At its basic level, the need for permission comes down to the need for approval. And this is something that one first seeks as a baby and then continues to seek as an adult. To desire approval is not unhealthy per se, it all depends on how much approval one needs and how they go about fulfilling this need.

Just because one is physically an adult, emotionally they can still feel like a child.  This can cause one to need an endless amount approval and to look for approval from the wrong people. So there is then no discernment; it can be a case of anyone’s approval will do.

Ideally, one would seek healthy approval from friends or family; people who appreciate, value and respect who one is. Not people who are strangers or who have not earned this right.

Society

And the modern day society and the culture that it creates is partly a manifestation of this childlike need for approval. This is so wide spread, that it is easy to miss what is taking place. Because although having qualifications is essential in some areas, it is has gone on to become a mindset and a way of living life.

It can result in one giving their power and value to other human beings. So one will need to jump through all kinds of hoops and gain all kinds of external rewards just to feel worthy and good enough. Authority figures or experts are then the masters of one’s destiny, but it doesn’t even need to be people who are in positions like these.

Examples

This can relate to every area of one’s life and can define: how much money one feels they deserve; the kind of relationship that one thinks they deserve; the kind of career they have; who one can or can’t attract; if one is ready to achieve something and many others.

So one could have the desire to attract a certain man or women into their life and yet think that they need to have a certain body, look or live a certain lifestyle in order to attract them. When in reality, these are simply social constructs that one has come to believe they need in order to have what they want. Attaining these things can cause one to believe they now have permission.

Awareness

If seeking permission is sabotaging ones growth, then something will need to be done. For some people it may be enough to become aware of how this is taking place and to make a conscious effort to trust their own judgements

When this is more of a challenge, it might be necessary to dig a little deeper and see what needs to be released from ones past. This could relate to trapped feelings and emotions in one’s body that have caused one to stay emotionally stuck.

The assistance of a therapist or healer who will allow one to face and release them will then be imperative. 

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Oliver J R Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/