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What can be normal is for a man to be walked over by others and to do what other people want. He is then not going to stand up for himself and he will act as though he is an extension of others.
As a result of this, he is likely to often be in a very low place and experience a fair amount of frustration. But, as he is often treated badly and is not meeting a number of his needs, this is to be expected. External Feedback He might have at least one male friend or family member who is aware of what is going on and they could wonder why he is this way. If so, this friend or family member could be very different as they could rarely be walked over and have no trouble expressing their needs. This friend could often tell him that he needs to start standing up for himself and doing what is right for him. Yet, even if this takes place, it might not have much of an impact on him. Business as Usual So, even if he agrees with what this friend or family member says, he could continue to behave in the same way. For whatever reason, he won’t take a step back and look deeply into why he is this way. At this point, it could be said that being treated in this way and abandoning himself is what feels comfortable. Of course, part of him will feel uncomfortable with what is going on but a bigger, stronger part of him won’t. A Catalyst With this in mind, his life might need to get a lot worse before he gets to the point where he says that enough is enough. This could be something that occurs after he has ended up in a very deep emotional hole. By being in such a bad way, he could start to wonder why he typically tolerates bad behaviour and doesn’t assert himself. To find out why he is this way, there are a number of things that he can do. An Exercise One thing that he can do is to imagine that he is in a situation where his boundaries are being crossed and he ends up standing his ground and expressing his needs. At first, this can be a time when he will feel powerful and alive. After a while, though, he could end up feeling guilty and ashamed. He will then have done the right thing, but, based on what is going on for him, it will be as if this is not the case. A Strange Scenario He could struggle to understand why he is this way and why being a doormat and a non-entity feels comfortable. For him to understand why he is this way, it is likely to be a good idea for him to explore what took place during his early years. If he was to do this, he may find that one or both of his parents and perhaps others abused their power. This may have been a time when he was harmed in a variety of different ways. Two parts In addition to being undermined by one of both of his parents, he would have also developed a very negative view of power. He would have associated power with something that was destructive. Thus, instead of being able to see that it could be used in a destructive or constructive manner, it would have been seen as something that could only be expressed in one way. To avoid acting in a destructive manner, he would have rejected his power. A Big Risk The other part of this is that, deep down, due to the experiences that he has had, he can believe that if he does stand up for himself and expresses his needs, he will end up being harmed. As power is seen as something negative and a threat to his survival, it’s no wonder that he behaves in a way that is not serving him. For his behaviour to change, he will need to know that he can express his power in a constructive way and that it is safe for him to do so. This is something that is likely to take time. Moving Forward What he went through during his formative years is likely to have had an impact on every part of his being. There will be what he came to believe and the pain that he experienced by being deprived of the love that he needed. Truly putting his past behind him is something that will take courage and patience and persistence. Awareness If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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 Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 27 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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