If someone was to think about what they are like, a number of things could come to mind. For example, they could say that they are often anxious and fearful, easy-going, a follower and do what they can to please others.
This could be how they have been this way for as long as they can remember, which could mean that this is just seen as who they are. They could also believe that they were just born this way and/or they take after their mother/father, for instance.
By being this way, they are unlikely to live a life that is deeply fulfilling. In general, it is likely to be as though they are simply going through the motions and are not truly living.
But, if this is what is normal and they believe that this is just what they are like, there is not going to be a great deal that they can do. Their only option will be to tolerate the life that they lead.
A Big Change
If they were to reflect and to see that there is another way for them to be and to experience life, they could experience a fair amount of fear and anxiety. Due to this, they could forget about changing their life, at least for a while, and carry on living in the same way.
Ultimately, they are not going to have a felt sense of safety and security or be in their power, and this will be why they have a personality like this. If they were, they wouldn’t need to experience so much fear and anxiety and be easy-going, and they would be able to lead themselves and to focus on their own needs and do what is right for them.
A Natural Outcome
The trouble is that if they have been this way for as long as they can remember, it is to be expected that how they are will just be seen as who they are. It’s then similar to how if someone has lived in the same place their whole life, this will be seen as the only place where they could live and seen as their home.
When in reality, there is likely to be a number of places where they could live and could end up calling their home. What this illustrates is how it is possible for their ego-mind to identify and then to merge with anything.
When their ego mind has attached to something, there won’t be who one inherently is and how they are behaving; there will just be who they are. For them to realise that this is not the case, it will be necessary for them to step back and reflect.
But, instead of getting caught up in the inner material that arises during this time, they will need to be the observer of it. This will give them the chance to see that they are more than how they currently express themselves.
After becoming aware of the fact that they are not who they think they are, one option would be for them to focus on changing their behaviour. By engaging in the behavioural approach to change, they will be able to gradually express who they are
In the beginning, this is likely to feel uncomfortable but as time passes, it will probably end up feeling comfortable. Then again, this approach might not work and even if it does work, it might only repress how they truly feel.
If how they behave was purely the result of what was taking place in their mind, the behavioural approach would always work. But, as it is likely to be due to what is taking place in their body, changing what is going on up top won’t be enough.
Therefore, for them to freely express who they are, it will be necessary for them to change what is taking place at a deeper level too. When it comes to what is taking place in their body, this will primarily relate to the pain that they have repressed throughout their life; or to be more precise, the pain that they probably had to repress during their formative years.
Back In Time
There is the chance that their early years were not very nurturing, with this being a time when they were often neglected. When they were not left, they may have received missatuned care.
At this stage of their life, when they were a powerless and dependent infant and then a toddler, they wouldn’t have been able to do anything about what was going on. Their only option was to repress how they felt, disconnect from themselves and go into a shut down, frozen state.
Many, many years will have passed since that stage of their life but as they missed out on what they needed to be able to grow and develop and are in a traumatised state, they won’t be able to truly put it behind them. To do this, they will need to work through the pain and arousal that is held in their musculature, organs, bones and nervous system.
By engaging in this process, they will be able to let go of who they are not and embrace who they are. Said another way, they will be able to let go of the false self that they had to develop to handle a brutal stage of their life and to embrace their true self.
If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.