When someone experiences loss, their whole experience of life can change, and when this happens, it is not going to be possible for them to carry on as normal. The thoughts in their mind and the emotions in their body can be different, and the meaning of their life could also have altered.
This could be a sign that a loved one has passed on, or it could be because a relationship has come to an end. This could also be an experience that one goes through after losing a pet, among others things.
If one gives themselves the time go with what is taking place, it will give them the chance to integrate what has happened. While this could be something that will take a number of months, it could last for a number of years.
What this comes down to is that human beings are different, and how one person respond to something is not necessarily going to be how another responds. The important thing is that one listens to themselves.
Ultimately, one is on their own healing path, and no one else can walk this path for them. At the same time, this doesn’t mean that one has to do everything by themselves.
It will be in their best interests to reach out for support; with this support, it will make this process a lot easier. Without it, one could end up suffering in silence, and they could also end up getting stuck.
Through experiencing loss, one is unlikely to feel as strong as they usually do, and through being around supportive people, it will make up for what they have temporarily lost. This is not to say that these people will need to do anything, as it might just be enough for them to be around.
Their presence could be more than enough, and while this could be from friends and/or family, it could also be from trained professionals. Not only can they provide support, they can also play a part in one finding meaning again.
If one feels as though their life has lost its meaning, they could feel as though life is not worth living. Therefore, through being around other people who are living a meaningful life, one can gradually begin to realise that their life is worth living.
One is then being exposed to another way of experiencing life, and this could be how they used to experience life. Their presence is unlikely to allow one to find meaning straight away, but it can gradually have an impact on them.
If one has hit rock bottom, they could end up coming across as a different person, and while they might want to return to how they were before, this is not going to be possible. They are going to be in a lot of pain, they will need to go through it.
This is not to say that one has to be consumed by ‘negativity’, as they can have the intention to heal thesmevles. However, what it does mean is that one will be embracing how they feel as opposed to deny what is taking place within them.
Through being able to face how they feel and not having the need to experience life in a certain way, it will also mean that one won’t need to resist what is taking place. The pain can come to the surface, and it will then be possible for them to face it.
One way this pain can be processed is through crying, and there may be times when one can cry for only a short while. Yet it doesn’t matter how long one can cry for, as long as they allow themselves to do it.
Up and Down
There can also be moments when one feels better and then moments when they feel worse. What this comes down to is that this is not a linear process, and if one expects it to be, they are going to create unnecessary pressure on one hand and additional pain on the other hand.
Another way of looking at this would be to say that this is a time of surrender, and through this, one will gradually be able to heal themselves. This doesn’t mean that this is a completely passive process though, as one will need to stay on track.
However, while the ideal will be for one to surrender to what is taking place within them; this is not going to happen if they always need to be ‘positive’. They will need to disconnect from what is taking place within them, and to force themselves to have ‘positive’ thoughts and feelings.
If they were to face their grief, they could end up feeling guilty, and they may believe that it would cause them to attract ‘bad’ things into their life. Also, one could believe that their thoughts are causing them to feel ‘bad’, and it will then be necessary for them to ‘think Positive’.
The pain that they are experiencing is primarily going to be coming from their body, and it could also be said that their heart has been broken. Thus, even though one’s thoughts can create their feelings, their feelings can also create their thoughts.
If one was to deny what is taking place within them it might allow them to feel better in the short-term, but it is likely to set them up to suffer in the long-term. The pain will stay in their body, and it could only be a matter of time before other symptoms begin to appear.
This shows that positive thinking can stop one from being able to grieve, and when this happens, it is being used in the wrong way. During the giving process, it is vital that one gets the support they need; trying to run away from how they feel won’t solve anything.
The assistance of a therapist and/or support group might be needed here.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.