Instead of ending up having the odd moment when they end up in a situation where another person is trying to cross their boundaries and control them, one could continually end up in this position. For example, they could be in a relationship with someone who is like this and they might work with some people that are like this.
When they are around someone like this, they are likely to feel undermined and even violated. These areas of their life are then going to be one big battle and this is going to wear them down.
Like a dam that is being used to keep water at bay, they are going to experience a lot of pressure. Unlike a dam, though, they won’t be made to withstand so much pressure and they could soon end up feeling exhausted.
Naturally, constantly having to defend themselves and push back is going to take a lot out of them. At the same time, they might have already felt totally washed out at different stages of their life and not been able to function.
Soaking It Up
And, even if they typically don’t stand their ground and allow another person to walk over them, this is still going to wear them down. If this happens, it is likely to mean that they will keep their anger in as opposed to letting it out.
The outcome of this is that they can often end up being in a depressed physical state. However, if they do have the tendency to tolerate this kind of behaviour, they could still have moments when they lose it.
Drawing the Line
If they were to cut their ties with the person they are in a relationship with, they could soon end up with another person with is the same. The same thing could occur if they were to find another job.
At this point, they could come to the conclusion that this is just what their life is like and there is very little that they can do. Their only option will be to stand their ground and do what they can to minimise the harm that is done to them.
What they could then do is decide to stay single or not allow another person to get too close to them. This way, they will be able to meet some of their needs but they will be less likely to be taken advantage of.
As for earning a living, they could end up choosing a job where they can be their own boss and perhaps doesn’t involve a great deal of human contact. But, even if they were to take this route, it doesn’t mean that they won’t end up in situations where they have to struggle to be themselves.
If they were to reflect on their life, they may find that their life has been this way for as long as they can remember. They could think about the different stages of their life and see that this is not a new occurrence.
Nonetheless, even though this could be how their life has more or less always been, it doesn’t mean that their life just happens to be this way. There is a chance that what took place during their formative years and the impact that it had on them has played a big part.
Throughout this stage of their life, they might have had at least one parent who was intrusive and unable to accept that they were a separate human being that had their own needs and feelings. Thanks to this, they would have continually been walked over and violated.
They would have learned from a young age that this parent wasn’t on their side and was their enemy. Being treated in this way would have greatly wounded them, with this being a time when they often felt hurt, frustrated, enraged, hopeless, helpless and worthless.
The Foundations were laid
Moreover, these early experiences would have stopped them from developing a felt sense of safety and security and forming strong boundaries. What took place is then going to be over but a big part of them will feel the same and see life in the same way.
Now that they are an adult, the battle that they had with at least one of their parents will be played out with other people. Another part of this is that a big part of them will cause them to unconsciously create situations that are similar in the hope that this time it will be different and they will finally be loved.
Ending the Battle
For them to gradually put an end to what is going on, they will need to develop a felt sense of safety and security, reclaim their power, and develop boundaries. A big part of what will allow them to do this will be for them to work through their emotional wounds.
This is something that will take courage and patience and persistence.
If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.