When someone doesn’t face what is within them, there is the chance that it will end up being projected onto others. This is not bad per se, as this is a way for someone to realise what they need to work on.
Another way of looking at this would be to imagine other people as the white screen in a cinema, and that the film that is being projected onto that screen is coming from another human being as opposed to a camera. If one is in a cinema, it is clear to see what is taking place, but the same can’t be said when it comes to the ‘real world’.
In the real world, one might not realise that what they see in others is often a reflection of what is taking place within them. This is likely to mean that one is disconnected from their inner world.
As a result of this, one can end up believing that they are simply observing others. Through having this outlook, it allows them to avoid that is taking place within them, and they can come across as though they are ‘above’ others.
One is then in a superior position, and there is no need for them to do anything. Whereas, the people around them will end up being seen as the ones who need to work on themselves, and they can end up being seen as inferior.
It’s ‘Out There’
It is not always possible for someone to face what is within them, and this is why there will come a point in time where it will end up being projected onto others. This could be because one was abused and/or neglected as a child, and this then set them up to disconnect from their pain.
The approach they were forced to take as a child has then stayed with them as an adult. However, no matter what the reasons are for this, it is going to stop them from being able to own their own reality.
When someone is connected to their inner world, they will have a greater chance of realising what is taking place. This doesn’t mean they will always be aware of what is happening, but they will have the willingness to reflect on what is taking place.
As a result of this, it will be possible for them to use their external world as a way to heal their inner world. What is taking place externally will be seen as a reflection of what they need to face within them.
This is going to stop them from pointing the finger and getting too caught up in what someone else is or is not doing. If they were to remain focused on what is taking place externally, and to avoid what is taking place internally, it is not going to be possible for them to move forward.
What this will show is that one is able to not only use their eyes; they are also able to use their inner senses. Through having this balance, it will be possible for them to embrace both their inner and their outer world.
However, if one is disconnected from themselves, they are not going to be able to take responsibility for what is occurring within them. What they see in others will have nothing to do with them; it will always be about others.
And because what they see externally is a reflection of what is taking place within them, it is going to mean that it won’t matter where they go or who they are with; their reality will always be the same. This is then the same as one believing that their shadow doesn’t belong to them, but in this case, they are rejecting their inner shadow.
One is then living on the surface of themselves, and the identity they have formed is nothing more than a false self. In order for them to embrace their true self, they would need to embrace what is taking place in their body.
Yet, if they were to do this, they would have to get in touch with their real feelings. This would mean that one would have to own what they have been projecting onto others, and this could be a time where they have to face the toxic shame that is within them.
When one is carrying toxic shame, they can end up disconnecting from their shame or they can end up being stuck in it. When someone is disconnected from their shame and projects onto others without realising what is happening, they are likely to come into contact with people who are overwhelmed with shame.
This allows the person who is ‘shameless’ to maintain their position of being ‘superior’, and the person who has embraced their shame is likely to put up with the other persons projections. And as they feel less-than human, it allows the projector to continue to believe that they are more-than human.
While one can feel comfortable embracing their anger, guilt or fear, the same cant always be said when it comes to toxic shame. This is an inner experience that is so overwhelming that one can do everything they can to avoid it.
One of the problems with disconnecting from toxic shame is that one will disconnect from their healthy shame. This means that as one has become ‘shameless’, it is not going to be possible for them to feel human.
Better Than Others
It is then going to be normal for them to believe that they are better than others; they are then like gods who walk the earth. And they will need to do everything they can to maintain his outlook, or else they will end up feeling incredibly low.
There is no much chance of them realising how deluded they are until they are willing to face how they really feel. The false self that they have created is a way for them to defend themselves from how worthless they feel.
Arrogance and Contempt
And because they truly believe that they are better than others, it is going to be normal for them to come across as arrogant. The contempt they express to others is really a reflection of the contempt they feel towards themselves.
If someone is overwhelmed by toxic shame and acts as though they are worthless, there is a strong chance that they would accept help from others. They are in touch with how they feel, and this is going to make it easier for them to heal themselves.
However, when one is out of touch with their toxic shame and believes other people are the ones with the issues, there is not much chance of them getting help from others. They are out of touch with how they feel, and until they are no longer willing to life a life of denial and to drop their defences, they are not going to change.
The reason someone is carrying toxic shame is likely to come down to what took place during their childhood years. This is likely to be a time where their needs were not met, and one would have ended up being abused and/or neglected.
And as their caregivers were out of touch with their own shame, one ended up taking on what they had disconnected from. During these early years, it wouldn’t have been possible for them to realise that what was taking place didn’t reflect their own worth.
This should have been a time where one came to realise their inherent worth, but instead of this, they came to see themselves as being inherently flawed. And as this would have infiltrated their whole being, they would have come to believe that there was nothing they could do.
All the time one hides how they feel from themselves and others, it is not going to be possible for them to heal. It will be important for them to come out of hiding and to open up to the right people.
This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist and/or a support group. This will be a time where one will be affirmed for who they are, and a time where they will need to grieve their unmet childhood needs.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.