There are some people who do everything they can to be perfect and then there are other people who feel like a failure because they’re not perfect. And whether one can relate to this or not, perfection is nothing more than an illusion.
It can’t be attained and so if one is doing everything they can to be perfect, it will be important for them to stop and to reflect on that fact that it is not possible to be perfect. And if one feels like a failure because they’re not perfect, it will be important for them to realise that no human being is or has ever been perfect.
To be human means that one has issues and while this will vary from person to person, they’re part of life. This doesn’t mean that one is therefore flawed and needs to be rescued though.
Now, one may find that as soon as they have dealt with one challenge, that they become aware of another. And if life wasn’t a journey, then this would be hard to comprehend. But just as one puts one forward and then has to take another step in order to move forward, there is always going to be another thing to work on or that needs ones attention.
If one didn’t have anything to work on, there is the chance that they’d no longer be here. And while these challenges can be both big and small, they are what allow one to grow. Without tension and pressure, there would be no reason for one to grow or to develop themselves.
At times, one is going to be aware of what they need to look at in their life and this will give them the chance to do something about it. This could relate to something external or it could relate to something that is internal.
But whether it is an external or internal stressor, there is likely to be an emotional component involved. There could be something that is not working or going to plan in someone’s life and they then end up feeling: frustrated, angry, powerless, useless and/or hopeless for instance.
The Next Step
Through being aware of how one feels, it could mean that they are able to hold their emotional experience. This will stop one from acting on how they feel or pushing how they feel out of their awareness.
From here, one can reach out for the support they need or take the steps they need to take, in order to deal with their inner unrest. There is still the chance that repression will take place and that they will act upon how they feel.
However, if one is unaware of what is going on within them, they’re not going to have the chance to do anything about it. And this could be something that happens from time to time, or it could be a way of life.
So because of this, it is highly likely that ones emotional experience is going to be acted out or pushed even further from their awareness. If one does this from time to time it might not have too much of an effect on their life but if this becomes a way of life, it is going to create problems.
Out Of Mind
And once one has become disconnected from what is going on for them and how they feel, there is the chance that they will project their inner experience onto other people. This will happen out of their awareness and the people they project onto could end up believing it is to do with them.
If one was willing to face what was going on within them, they wouldn’t see it in other people. But because they are unwilling to face their issue/s, other people are going to be seen as having what they have not faced within themselves.
When one has boundaries and is aware of whey they begin and end and where other people begin and end, they are going to have a strong sense of what is theirs and what is not. So when one doesn’t have strong boundaries, they are going to have a tendency to see their issues in other people or they will allow other people to project their issues onto them.
Therefore, if one constantly projects their issues onto others they will need to create better boundaries. And if one always allows other people to project their issues onto them, it will be important for them to develop better boundaries.
This shows how important emotional awareness is; as when one is aware of how they feel, they will know what belongs to them and what doesn’t. If one is unaware of how they feel, then they are bound to see other people as being the problem or to allow other people to make out they’re the problem.
So let’s say that one feels inferior and because they have disconnected form this inner experience, they end up seeing other people as inferior. One might come across someone who is struggling with something or who is unable to perform a certain task and this then becomes the other person’s identity.
One is unable to see what is actually taking place and ends up seeing the other person as inferior. If the other person goes along with how they’re being treated, they could gradually begin to embody this outlook. This will cause one to feel superior and it will push them even further away from how they truly feel.
This is just one of the many examples of how one can project their issues onto other people. If one has the tendency to see their issues in other people, it will be important for them to form a better connection with their inner world and to get in touch with their pain. And if one is used to having people project onto them, it will be important for them to strengthen their boundaries and to heal what is causing them to continually attract people who project.
So if one projects their issues onto others, there is the chance they are used to having other people project onto them and vice versa. One could switch between the two options depending on who they are with or how they feel. The assistance of a therapist or a healer may be needed here.
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Oliver J R Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.