Rage: Can A Man Carry A Lot Of Repressed Rage If He Had An Abusive Mother?

Although a man may carry a lot of rage, this might not be something that he is consciously aware of. But, even if this is the case, it doesn’t mean that this won’t have an effect on how he experiences life.

There is a strong chance that he will spend a lot of time in a collapsed physical state and won’t have a great deal of energy. In other words, he is likely to suffer from depression.

Part of life

But, if experiencing life in this way is how he has been for a very long time, it might not occur to him that he is depressed. When he is in this state, he could do his best to function and carry on as normal.

However, getting out of bed could be a challenge and doing what he needs to do could be difficult. Another part of this is that he might often be unable to stand his ground and end up being walked over.

A Doormat

After he has been taken advantage of or said yes when he really wanted to say no, he could feel frustrated and very low. Without access to his anger, something that will be out of his reach, he will be like a sitting duck.

Every now and then, though, he could end up exploding, with this often being a time when he does something that he later regrets. To another, it will be clear that he is overreacting but this will be a natural outcome of the fact that he is unable freely express himself, which causes how he feels to build up.

Confusion

If he was able to mentally detach from what is going on and reflect on how he experiences life, he could wonder why he doesn’t have a strong connection with his anger. He could see that being this way is causing him to spend a lot of time in a collapsed physical state and to be continually walked over.

He might see that he has been this way for as long as he can remember. At this stage, he might wonder if he was born this way or if there is something wrong with him at a physical level.

Going Deeper

If he has been this way for a very long time, it could be due to what took place during his formative years. This may have been a time when he was often violated by his mother and perhaps his father.

His mother may have undermined him in a variety of ways, with her physically harming him, verbally putting him down and abandoning him. Each time he was mistreated, he would have felt hurt and experienced anger, rage and hate.

Two Parts

Yet, as he was a lot smaller than her and both powerless and dependent on her, he wouldn’t have been able to do anything about what was going on. And, if his father was around, he would have probably feared his father’s wrath if he did retaliate.

Thanks to these two factors as well as others, he would have had to repress his hurt and the anger, rage and hate that went with it. He would then have lived in an environment where he was continually wounded but unable to express himself and do something about it.

Weighed Down

So, as he experienced strong emotional reactions for many years and had to deny those reactions, it is to be expected that he will be in a shut down state and carry on a lot of pain. Moreover, it is also to be expected that he won’t feel comfortable expressing his anger or rage.

Throughout this stage of his life, he would have been defenceless and as he is in a shut down state as an adult, he will continue to be this way. Additionally, he is unlikely to feel safe enough to freely express himself.

Drawing the Line

For him to be an integrated and embodied human being and no longer live on the surface of himself, he is likely to have a lot of pain to work through. It will be important for him to feel the anger, rage and hate and frustration and hurt that is underneath.  

This is unlikely to just be a case of finding the time to feel this pain and that’s the end of it as there are likely to be many, many layers of pain inside him. As a result of this, this is something that will take courage and patience and persistence.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer. 

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk