If someone was to take a step back and to reflect on their life, it might occur to them that they have a problem receiving. They may see that although they give a lot, not a lot comes back to them.
It is then not that they sit around all day waiting for things to just drop into their lap, they play their part. But, even though they will play their part, they might rarely receive what they need to be able to survive, let alone thrive.
So, when it comes to their career or job, they could work hard and contribute a lot and yet, they might barely be able to make ends meet. This could be something that has taken place for as long as they can remember.
They could come across people who don’t appear to work anywhere near as hard or contribute as much as they do, but they could be in a far better position. This could be something that causes them to experience rage and resentment and makes them feel powerless.
As for their relationships, this could be another area of their life that causes them just as much pain. Once again, they could give a lot, being there for the people in their life, but these people might seldom be there for them.
In fact, a lot of these people might not even make the effort to be there for them. One is then likely to find that they are often running on empty, with their being moments when they simply haven’t got the energy to go on.
Now, one way of looking at what one is going through would be to say that they don’t value themselves or feel comfortable with their own needs. As a result of this, they are sabotaging their own life.
However, as they are not aware of this, it appears as though what is going on ‘out there’ is the issue. For this to change, they will need to develop self-worth and to change how they perceive their own needs.
A New Reality
The outcome of this inner transition is that they will perceive themselves and the world differently, and their feelings, thoughts and behaviour will change. What felt comfortable before will no longer feel comfortable.
Furthermore, their outer world will reflect this inner shift. It will then be easier for them to receive things and certain relationships will either change or fall away and new people will enter their life.
The Same Old Story
Then again, one could develop their self-worth and feel comfortable with their own needs, only to find that their life doesn’t really change. At this point, they could struggle to understand what is going on.
They will have done all the ‘right’ things but their life won’t have been transformed. If they feel completely helpless at this point, and wonder if their life will ever change, it is not going to be much of a surprise.
Nevertheless, just because this approach hasn’t worked, it doesn’t mean that there is nothing that they can do. What they will need to realise is that in order for them to experience something, they will need to feel safe enough to do so.
If something is seen as a threat to their very survival, it won’t be possible for them to experience it. Or, if they do experience it, it will probably take a lot of will power and it might disappear as soon as it appears.
What’s going on?
At a deeper level, then, there is a strong chance that one doesn’t feel safe enough to receive. Upon hearing this, one could struggle to understand how this could be so and even dismiss this view as having no basis in reality.
Irrespective of whether one can accept this or not, there is the chance that their early years were very traumatic. Many, many years will have passed since this time in their life, causing their conscious mind to forget all about it, but their unconscious mind/body won’t have forgotten.
The Foundations Were Laid
This may have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected on a weekly, if not daily, basis. Due to what they experienced, they would have regularly been violated by the person/people who were supposed to look after them.
These experiences would have set them up to associate receiving as something that would cause them to be overwhelmed and annihilated. Therefore, at this stage of their life, keeping people at distance was vital.
The Particular Becomes the General
What they experienced would have probably only related to one or a few people and yet, their mind would have generalised what took place. This can be seen as a very primitive survival mechanism but it was all they had at this stage of their development.
They didn’t have the intellectual ability to see that although these people were like this, it didn’t mean that everyone was the same. And now that they do have this ability, what took place will have been operating just outside of their conscious awareness, thereby preventing them from being able to question this association and to do something about it.
The part of them that is there to keep them alive believes that it needs to keep just about everything at distance or else they will die. This will be totally irrational now but it will relate to a stage of their life when there was a lot of truth to this.
For this to change, they will need to work through the trauma that they are carrying from this stage of their life. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.