Receiving: Can Someone Find It Hard to Receive If They Had A Manipulative Parent?

If someone is in a position where they typically give a lot but they rarely receive what they need, let alone what they want, they could struggle to understand what is going on. Naturally, as they are doing a lot of the right things, this is to be expected.

One thing that they may have done to try to change what is going on is to give even more but this won’t have had much of an impact on their life. What it may have done is just caused them to feel more frustrated than they felt before and to be totally exhausted.

Stepping Back

Now, if they were to imagine what it would be like to live a life where it is not a challenge for them to receive what they need, they may find that they end up feeling greatly relieved and grateful. They will finally be living the life that they desire, so this won’t be much of a surprise.

However, as time goes by, they may find that they end up feeling very uncomfortable and feel guilty. If this is the case, they could struggle to understand why they feel this way.

Inner Conflict

What this will show is that even though they have the need to receive, another part of them doesn’t feel comfortable doing so. As a result of this, part of them will want one thing and another part of them will want something else.

The part of them that wants to receive will be weaker than the part of them that doesn’t, which is why it will be a struggle for them to consistently receive what they need and want. Without realising it then, they will have been sabotaging this area of their life.

Externalised

But, as they were not aware of it, it would have seemed as though what was going on externally was the issue. Thus, someone or something out there would have been depriving them of what they needed.

Yet, by coming into contact with this other part of them, they will see that they do have control over this area of their life. Nonetheless, they will want to know why there is this other part of them that doesn’t feel comfortable with them receiving what they need.

A Strange Scenario

Ultimately, they should feel comfortable receiving; this shouldn’t be something that causes them to feel guilty and as though they have done something wrong. They are playing their part by contributing and receiving things should be a natural outcome and what feels comfortable.

Based on how they feel when they do receive, it is as though they have been given something that they are not worthy of. To use an analogy; it will be as if they have stolen something and this is why they feel guilty.

Looking Back

If they were to think about how they experience life, they may find that their life has been this way for as long as they can remember. Ergo, they will be used to feeling frustrated, angry, helpless and exhausted.

By giving so much and receiving very little, they will probably know what it feels like to run on empty; in fact, this could be how they typically experience life. What this is likely to show is that they are this way due to what took place during their early years.

Back In Time

If they were to think about this stage of their life, they might not be able to remember a great deal. What this will show is that their brain has blocked out most of what took place in order to protect them from pain.

Therefore, this would have been something that automatically took place, not something that they consciously chose to do. But, while this will protect them, it will also stop them from having access to the information that would shed light on what is going on.

A Closer Look

At this stage of their life, they may have had a least one caregiver who would often make them feel guilty whenever they gave them something. For example, they may have given them something and then said that they couldn’t afford it or that they had to go without to be able to afford it.

As they were egocentric and would have personalised what took place, they would have come to believe that their needs were bad and that by them having something, it meant that someone else was deprived or had to go without. The outcome of this is that they would have lost touch with their own needs and ended up depriving themselves of what they needed to stop themselves from feeling guilty and ashamed.

Totally Unaware

Most likely, this caregiver didn’t even realise that they were harming their child by being this way and that this would set them up to have an issue with receiving as an adult. In all likelihood, they also felt uncomfortable with their own needs and were probably also brought up by at least one caregiver who treated them in the same way.

The truth is that their needs and wants are not bad and they deserve to have their needs and wants met. Not only this, they are not depriving anyone else of anything by having what they need and want; there is enough for everyone.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer. 

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk