On one side, there is receiving, and, on the other, there is giving. Now, although it would be easy to say that each of these elements is as important as each other, this is not the case.
One of these things is more important than the other and this is because if one of them doesn’t take place, it won’t be possible for the other thing to take place. The most important thing is that one has the ability to receive.
If someone doubts that this is the so, they only need to think about what would happen if they were unable to breathe in air. Not only will being able to breathe in allow them to stay alive, it will also allow them to breathe out.
Therefore, through being able to receive, they will be able to give. This will also apply when it comes to being able to make a difference and to make a contribution to the world; one will need to take in the right nutrients.
Taking this into account, if someone finds it hard to receive, their life is going to be a lot harder than it needs to be. This doesn’t mean that they will find it hard to breathe or that they won’t take in the right nutrients, although both of these things could be an issue.
What it could mean that they find it hard to get their relation needs met, along with being able to earn enough money, for instance. If they were able to take a step back from what is going on, they could find that they are often ‘running on empty’.
However, while experiencing life in this will cause them to experience a fair amount of anger and frustration, with them most likely having moments when they feel helpless, it doesn’t mean that the people in their life will be aware of what is taking place. In fact, one could have the tendency to deny how they feel to themselves, let alone others.
Thus, instead of truly acknowledging what is taking place and reaching out for support, they could often just carry on as normal. Here, one could create the impression that everything is fine.
In general, they could be happy to be there for others and to do whatever they can do to assist them. As a result of this, there could be a lot of people who describe them as ‘selfless’ and see them as an example of how someone should live their life.
Living in this way might allow them to receive a fair amount of positive feedback from others but what it won’t be is enable them to get their needs met. Naturally, for their life to change, they will need to reach out for support and/or to change their behaviour.
If their life was to become even more unbearable and reaching out for support doesn’t cross their mind, they could end up doubling down. Behind this will be the belief that if they do more, they will finally be able to receive what they need.
It is unlikely that this will lead to their desired outcome as they will be doing the same thing as before. Ultimately, they will be doing the same thing and expecting a different result, which is often seen as the definition of insanity.
If we take a step back and think about this person’s nature, we will see that, inherently, they have the ability to do and they will have the ability to be. When they give, they will be in doing mode, and, when they receive, they will be in being mode.
With this in mind, it is clear that they don’t have trouble when it comes to the doing; what they have trouble with is the being. This could be something that their conscious mind will vehemently deny though, as they are totally fed about up what is going on.
Going Deeper, Much Deeper
What needs to be understood at this point is that their conscious mind only plays a small part in their life. Their unconscious mind is the part of them that has the biggest effect, and this is the part of them that will shed light on why their life is the way that it is.
To understand why they have troubling receiving, what they could is to imagine what it would feel like to receive. At first, they may find that it feels good, but as time passes, they could find that they feel guilty.
Part of them is then going to want to receive but another part of, an even bigger part, won’t be on board with this. At this point, it will be clear that one has been sabotaging their own life, and while this could be painful to accept, it will mean that they are not a powerless victim.
To understand why they would feel guilty for receiving and do everything that they can to make sure that this doesn’t happen, it will be necessary to look into what their early years were like. This stage of their life would have most likely been what has defined how they perceive their needs now that they are an adult.
Back In Time
During this stage of their life, their primary caregiver might not have been able to truly be there for them and to provide them with the care that they needed. This would have meant that their needs would have typically been seen as a burden.
So, when their needs were met, their caregiver may have often reacted negatively, creating the impression that one was bad for having needs. There could have been times when their caregiver said something bad and times when their facial expression and energetic response alone expressed the same sentiment.
A Negative Message
If their needs were met, then, it would have felt as though it was being done out of obligation, not love. Having needs would have been seen as something that was bad and as they were egocentric as this stage of their life, they would have come to see themselves as bad.
The truth is that there is nothing wrong with their needs and they are not bad. How their caregiver responded to their needs was probably very similar to how their caregiver responded to their developmental needs.
If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.