Now, if someone carries a deep sense of rejection and feels as though they won’t be accepted by others, it doesn’t mean that they will be consciously aware of this. The reason for this is that this can be something that is outside of their conscious awareness.
However, what is taking place for them at a deeper level is still likely to have an effect on how they behave. In fact, it could be something that more or less defines their whole life.
For one thing, there is a strong chance that they will have the tendency to be a people pleaser and to put other people’s needs first. Most likely, this will be something that just happens as opposed to something they will consciously choose to do.
If this typically happens, it is going to mean that who they are rarely shows up. As for their needs, these are largely going to go unmet and this will cause them to miss out on a lot of what they need.
When they are in an intimate relationship, that’s if they are not currently in one, they are likely to behave in the same way. If so, who they are and their needs are rarely if ever going to see the light of day.
Consequently, both anger and resentment, along with feeling exhausted over time, are likely to build up. The outcome of this is that they can end up losing control and thereby, gradually push the other person away in the process.
The Fall Out
If this is something that they have experienced at least once, this may have been a time when they fell into a very deep emotional hole. The anger that they felt toward their partner may have been replaced by the anger that they felt towards themselves.
This will then be a time when they will have blamed themselves for what happened. Ultimately, they will have felt all alone and this will have not only been very painful but it will have been the last thing that they wanted to experience.
Right now, they could be in another relationship, with this being a time when they no longer feel alone. Still, as they are unlikely to fully show up, they are not going to be able to feel deeply connected to the other person.
Then again, they might not have the desire to be with anyone else, choosing to stay single. This is not to say that they will typically feel alone, though, as they could seldom be in touch with how they feel.
What’s going on?
After a while, they could start to wonder why they have the inclination to hide themselves around others and perhaps, to isolate themselves at times. If they were to just be with themselves, what they could soon come to see is that they don’t believe that anyone would accept the real them and that hiding themselves is the only way for them to be accepted.
It’s then a case of hiding themselves and not being isolated from others, or revealing themselves and being isolated from others. They could find that this is how they have been for as long as they can remember
A Closer Look
At this point, it could be said that how they see life is irrational and, although not everyone is going to accept them, some people will. The key will be for them to question their ‘irrational’ thoughts and beliefs.
However, just because what is going on for them is irrational on one level, it doesn’t mean that it is irrational on another level. What this may illustrate is that, during their formative years, they were not accepted by one or both of their parents.
Back In Time
Throughout this stage of their life, they might have often been left, verbally put down and physically harmed. So, both indirectly and directly, they would have been told that they were not wanted, accepted or loved.
And, as they needed to receive the right nutrients in order for them to develop a felt sense of love, worth, and belonging, they wouldn’t have been able to grow and develop in the right way. If they were not egocentric at this point, they might have been able to see that how they were treated was a reflection of how wounded one or both of their parents was.
Yet, even though they were not provided with the care that they needed, their unmet developmental needs won’t have just disappeared. A big part of them will still be trying to receive the love that they missed out on all those years ago.
What this will do is cause them to unconsciously recreate scenarios where they can’t be themselves in the hope that this time it will be different. Once again, they will be deprived of what they need.
Drawing the Line
For them to put an end to this and have people in their life who are able to accept them for who they are they are likely to have a lot of pain to work through and unmet development needs to experience.
If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.