If one is not currently in a relationship, they may find that this doesn’t have effect on how they see themselves. It is then still going to be possible for them to feel good about who they are, and this is going to make it easier for them to function.
A Whole Human Being
Ultimately, one is not going to feel as though they are missing something and that they need to be with someone in order to be complete. Consequently, one will be able to enjoy being in a relationship but they need to be in one.
Through being this way, they are not going to have a strong need to be with someone; they will be able to appreciate their own company. One will be living their life and they won’t have put it on hold until they start a new relationship.
What this is likely to show is that one has a strong sense of where they begin and end, and where other people begin and end. One is not going to see themselves as an extension of other people.
Not only will one be physically separate from others, they will also be emotionally separate from them. This is what will allow them to feel like a whole human being, and it can then be normal for them to be mentally and emotionally stable.
When one experiences life in this way, it can be a sign that they received what they needed to receive when they were younger. Their developmental needs would have been met, and this would have allowed them to develop in the right way.
This is then going to be how their life has more or less always been, and one is not going to know what it is like to experience life differently. One would have started of as a dependent human being and they would have grown into an interdependent human being.
At the same time, there is also the chance that one hasn’t always been this way and that they know what it is like to experience life differently. One is then going to be able to empathise with people who are still experiencing life in this way.
So if they were to come into contact with someone who is going through what they have been through, they will be able to support them. Still, this doesn’t mean that the other person will be able to accept what they hear, as they might not be ready to hear what they have to say.
What this comes down to is that it is not always a simple as just telling someone something; they have to be ready to take it in. When they are ready to change, they will be able to apply what they have been told.
There are then the people who want to change but can’t find what they need, and there are those who are given the right information but who have no interest in using it. This is why it is a waste of time for one to try to assist those who don’t want to be assisted.
A Radically Different Experience
When one only feels good about themselves when they are with someone, they are likely to have a strong need to be in a relationship. It then might not matter who they are with as long as they are with someone.
This could mean that they have the tendency to end up with people who are abusive, or they might just end up with people who are not a good match for them. Either way, this area of their life is not going to be very fulfilling.
If they were to step back from what is taking place and to tune into what is taking place within them, they may feel as though something is missing. They are going to be an autonomous human being, but it will be as if they need to be with someone to feel complete.
One is then not going to be an interdependent human being; they will be a dependant human being. Therefore, even though one has their own body to experience life with, it can be as if they are nothing more than an empty shell.
Their need to be in a relationship is not going to be the result of their need to connect and to share their life with another human being; it will be a way for them to control how they feel. Being with someone will elevate their mood, and this is going to cause them to give their power away.
On some level, the people they end up with will probably realise how they feel about themselves. One could have an inferiority complex and the people they end up with could have a superiority complex.
A Deeper Look
Their younger years may have been a time when their developmental needs were not met, and this may mean that they were abused and/or neglected. This would have stopped them from being able to form a strong sense of self.
Their inherent value wouldn’t have been acknowledged and they would have experienced a lot of pain/trauma. One is then going to look like an adult, but they will feel like a dependent child, and this is then why they only feel valuable when they are in a relationship.
If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it might be necessary for them to work with a therapist or a healer. This will give them the chance to develop boundaries and to connect to their inherent value, amongst other things.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.