Relationships: Are Friends The People That We Have In Our Life Who Only Accept Us When We Do What They Want?
If one was to think about what their friends are like, they could start to think about how they accept them for who they are. It is then not going to be necessary for them to play a role, and it could be said that this is how it should be.
The alternative would be for one to be in a position where they feel as though they need to behave in a certain way. As a result of this, it is not going to be possible for them to be themselves.
One is then not going to be around people who accept them; they are going to be around people who only care about their own needs. Therefore, if one no longer behaved how they wanted them to behave, they might soon disappear.
So even though one would have people in their life, it can be normal for them to feel cut-off from life. This is because the people around them won’t be able to acknowledge who they are really are, and this is going to lead a lonely existence.
Part of Life
However, while this will cause one to suffer, it doesn’t mean that they will do anything about what is taking place. As while this will cause them to experience pain, they could believe that it is just something they have to put up with.
There is also the chance that one will be focused on doing everything they can to please other people. Therefore, even though they will experience pain, they will also have moments when they feel good.
In fact, one could be completely out of touch with their own needs, and this means that they could ignore how they feel. Their sole focus will be to fulfil other people needs, and as long as they do this, they could believe that they are doing the right thing.
It is then not going to matter how they are treated by others, and it will then be easy for other people to take advantage of them. This is not to say that these people will realise what is taking place, as they are going to be focused on their own needs.
Yet even if they were to reflect on how one behaves, they might not be able to see that anything is wrong. This is because one can come across as though they are only too happy to do what other people want.
But even though this is not going to match up with how they truly feel at a deeper level, it doesn’t mean that they will be able to let other people know. If they were to do this, they might believe that it would cause them to be rejected or abandoned
A Common Occurrence
They will then have no other choice than to go along with what their friends want, and they will then end up neglecting their own life. Even so, this will allow one to keep their fiends happy, and it may even allow them to get some of their needs met from time to time.
If one was to think about what their friendships are like, they might see that they always do what their friends want. It is then not something that happens every now and then, it takes place whenever they get together.
One Step Back
On the other hand, it might not even matter if one is with them, as it could take place over the phone, for instance. They could be asked if they would like to do something and without even thinking about whether they want to do it, they could say ‘yes’.
One could also believe that this is how they are supposed to behave around their friends, and that it wouldn’t be right for them to say ‘no’. If they are unable to go along with what they want, it could cause them to be criticised in some way.
This will then remind them that they are not allowed to pay attention to their own needs, and they could even end up experiencing anxiety. Along with being criticised, the other person could up getting extremely angry.
One may then start to experience fear, but even if this doesn’t rake place, they could still feel guilty and ashamed. This can then make one do everything they can to please them once again.
Back To Normal
There is then the chance that their friend will be happy to spend time with them, and what took place could then be forgotten about. Having said that, they could bring it up from time to time and put them down.
If this doesn’t happen, it could mean that they will ignore them for a short time, and then get back in touch with them once they have settled done. One could then be used to having a lot of ‘drama’ in their life.
Now, no matter how long one has had friends who are like this, it doesn’t mean that they have to continue to experience life in this way. What this is likely to show is that one doesn’t value themselves, and until this changes, they will continue to tolerate people who only care about their own needs.
This could be a sign that their childhood was a time when their needs were rarely, if ever, met, and this would have set them up to believe that other people’s needs are more important that their own. If they didn’t do what others wanted, they may have been neglected and/or abused.
One would then have been trained from a young age to focus on other people and to ignore themselves. But while this may have been what allowed them to survive during the beginning of their life, it is now causing them to suffer unnecessarily.
If one can relate this and they want to move forward, they may need to work with a therapist. This can then allow them to realise their value and to get in touch with their own needs, amongst other things.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.